New day, I decided not to send the card and letter to my sister. I spoke to my older sister and older brother about how I felt and we all agreed that she may be bi-polar and not realize it. Once I realized that this might be the case with her, I figure that sending her this letter would only upset her even more. And that is not what I want for her. I would prefer her to have peace. Which might never happen in her life. But miracles can happen.
She has become a great teacher for me. I would have normally sent her a letter letting her know how I feel about the phone call. Thank God I got ahold of my ego, because it always wants to be right. I had gone to a full moon meditation the night before and decided I would visualize her healthy and happy instead. My brother did tell me that she had responded to his letter by sending him a letter that he told us was not a letter that anyone would have wanted to read. Hurt people, hurt people. OMG I have this book. I should did it out and read it.
My little sister has had a challenging life. Was rejected by her mom and dad when they were drinking. She told my brother that when she was little, she would go into her room and cry while my parents were drinking. I could see mom send her away so that she would not see them drink. The affects of alcoholism goes much deeper then just the alcohol itself. I can understand her anger and bitterness when I see her point of view on life. To her , life is all about pain and suffering.
My job is to love her without hurting her any more then she is hurting at this time. I often wonder if she was better off in life if that would make a difference, but I assume not unless she decides to change the way she see things in life. It's was interesting when my brother said that they had invited her to their home for Christmas and she snuck out without them knowing or even saying bye. I told my brother that it was probably hard for her to see how well he has done n his life and the lifestyle they live. They have a very nice home that my brother and his wife worked hard for. My sister is not capable of being grateful at the moment except when it come to her own kids.
I was planning a trip back home to see my family this summer, but I'm slowly starting to change my mind about going. I haven't seen my little sister in over 10 years, not because I don't want to see her, she comes up with excuse after excuse that she is not available. So I let it go until the next time. It is the first time ever that I have felt the hurt of my own sister not loving me for who I am. That is a hard one for me since I love each and everyone in my family as equal. We are all living our own lives the best we know how.
I happen to pick up a book I read a few months back, and the other yesterday I randomly opened it to a page, and with a smile on my face as I began reading this paragraph," Those whose inner disturbances are easily triggered and intense are said to be on a " short fuse". We try to avoid such people as much as possible so as not to become the target of their blame. They always have a good reason for their chronic suffering, and they tend to be very righteous about their victim position. "
So I will continue to learn my lesson to not react from her suffering and look at what are the things that is triggers in me that I have to work on. The meditation I did helped me to see a few things I need to look at so I will talk about that next time.
Thank you Spirit for showing me the energy of the turtle medicine so that I can slow down my thoughts and see what is really happening with my sister. Thank you for these words of comfort when I need them most.
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