Money Footprints

" So many of us were wounded in our primary relationships that we developed great blocks to prevent us from ever being vulnerable again"

Well today, I wake up and read a few pages in my new book about the money archetypes an read the part I typed above. It made me realize how deep these wounds I carry, still affect my life today. I'm considering selling my vehicle so that I can pay off some bills. And something inside me says to wait.

" Spiritual transformation for the Victim archetypes comes when they are able to see how their past experiences can be a powerful tool and catalyst for change. When the victim travels inward and heals the wounds of the past, they are able to move fully into life. "

I sat in my pyramid this morning while reading my book, and when I read about the blocks we have created in us due to past experiences, I sat and allowed the tears to flow as I knew I was connecting to something deep within me. As I look at the questions that this book is asking me to do, I wonder how it can help clear the blocks I created around feeling vulnerable.

So I will start with the first question it ask. If I want to live in prosperity, I must clear the blocks that stop me from attracting money to me. Because if I am holding onto these blocks I have created, until I look at and let go of, I will never have the future I deserve. so here is goes.

What is your earliest memory of money? My earliest memory of money is when I was about three years old, my birth father would come to the door of the house I live at, I was adopted, and he would give my adopted mom money which was saved in the bank for the future. Sometimes it was $20, $50 and once I remember him giving my mom $100. But I never got to spend any of this money that was so called "mine". It had to go into the bank. The other memory was every birthdays that I got money also went into the bank, Hmmm I can see now why I recent the banks.

How old were you at the time?  It started around age 3 and lasted till I was 18 years old. That's when the money I had saved up was given to my birth mother to help her finish the house that I ended moving into with her till I was 38. Which was off and on between boyfriends.

What was the experience like? I felt angry most of the time, angry that I did not get to make any decisions with the money that I was suppose to have. I felt like I had no control over this money. Ah!!! Hmmmm ( I never saw it this way before) In the book she says" Victims often fear of being betrayed" That's what my adopted mom did, I felt so betrayed when she asked me to give away my money to someone else. She was nice enough to ask me first, but manipulated me into believing that it was the right thing to do with my money. I was too angry to care about the money at that point. ( Wow, I had no idea I was full of anger around this topic around money which explains why I get so frustrated when I have none)

How did that experience affect you? I believe as I grew up I decided that I did not care about money and that money was not important for me to have. (OUCH that one hurt lol ) But I can see where that is coming from and how I still hold on to this belief and pattern today.

I know I've looked at these things before, but this time it seems to be sinking in a lot deeper. I can feel it in my stomach. It's all based around the emotional attachments I have around money. It's like if I don't have money in my life, then I don't have to deal with the emotions that go with it. Too much money would bring up too much emotions. Crap, I would so love to get a group of people going to get the vocabulary of money on the table to allow people to heal their money issues. Maybe I can just start one and see where it would go.  

If my energy around money is covered in footprints of anger and betrayal, no wonder attracting prosperity into my life is so challenging.

Your Money Trailblazer