LOL How times have changed

Well what a turn of events at work. So far I have managed to start getting caught up on my credit card. Then yesterday my boss at work asked me if I would be interested in a job offer that would pay more and have more hours as a receptionist. LOL well ya!!!. Where in the world do you find a boss that helps you to find better working conditions for their employees? That is almost unheard of. He said he would let me know in a couple of weeks.

 

I am loving keeping track on how I am handling my money and managing to pay money to everyone that I need to pay. I am getting ahead. It feels really good to have a handle on my money finally. I’m still on the bottom of the hill, but I’m climbing it one step at a time. I have also been working on staying home a lot for the past two weeks. This has been a challenge since I miss going to my favorite places. It has been interesting how I have been feeling restricted because of my money issues. But by doing what I needed to do, to get where I wanted to be, I am seeing how it is turning out for the best.

 

I was going to be short about $30 for my rent, and I didn’t want to ask my co-workers or my boss for a loan so I gave in and went to a Cash Store. I borrowed $120 which will cost me $30 so I have to pay back $150. All I needed was $50 to carry me over to my next paycheck. So I put $30 with my rent money, I put $70 in an envelop to repay the Cash Store. I will take $80 off my paycheck to complete the payment. Then if I ever need money in the future, I can count on them to lend me the money if I need it. I’m hoping I won’t. But when you have a good record with them it’s a great way to get money whenever you do need some.

 

Once I get caught up on my credit card, I won’t have to worry about borrowing money from the Cash Store. Oh ya I forgot, I have decided to start buying gift cards from the gas station where I work now to use for gas only. This way I can’t use it other then where I work. Also I plan to buy gift cards for myself so when I want to splurge on something, it won’t come out of my allowance. I can buy a $25 Mastercard gift card each paycheck. It adds up after awhile and they are good for a couple of years.

By doing this it creates a small sense of security and a use for where and what I can do with the money I earn.




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Shift in Energy around Trust

It has been an interesting few days. I have been tracking my spending like a hawk. Every time I spend money I mark it down. It is a must for me to do if I am to get out of this credit card debt. $4000 away from being debt free is very inspiring to me. I can only imagine what I will do with the money I save when I get to this point.

All I have to live on this week is $26 dollars. I will have to use some of this money to get some gas so I can get to work. I also can borrow money from my co workers who have offered to help me out till next paycheck, but I will wait as close as possible because that cuts into my allowance for my next paycheck. I thought I was going to work tomorrow but someone else took that shift.

Am I depriving myself or disciplining myself? I have to teach myself to be in charge of my life. I have to look at the past mistakes that I've made and see what I can to do change what didn't work. Maybe the reason I have under earning jobs is because I can't be trusted to be in charge of anything because they judge me how I take care of myself. Maybe on some level have not learned how to trust myself fully. Perhaps I tell myself on a deeper level, I can't be trusted with money.

Perhaps it's a part of me that doesn't trust myself with money. That's still this underlying belief that keeps coming up. I don't trust myself with money? Is that true? As I sit here pondering deeply about if this is a yes or is this a no answer, it feels like it has to do with wanting to take care of myself financially. Do I have a desire to care for myself financially at all? is the question, I don't trust myself with money an excuse or a belief? It would seem that if I have to write down all my spending, am I confirming to myself that I don't trust myself enough that I have to make sure I be held accountable for all the money I spend?

I don't trust myself with money, is that true? Yes it is true.
Am I absolutely sure that I don't trust myself with money? No that is not true.
How do I feel when I think the thought, I don't trust myself with money.
I feel anxious, fearful, unprotected, rejected.
Who would I be if I didn't think the thought , I don't trust myself with money
I'd be confident in how I manage my life around money.
I'd believe in my strengths more
I'd trust in myself more with money
I would have more passion for life
I'd have more faith in myself


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Day off

Well today I can relax and enjoy my day off. I have no plans to go anywhere or do anything in particular. I put ten dollars in gas yesterday from my $4.60 per day budget which means that I can't spend any money today. I don't need anything really. I have food in my fridge that will last me till the end of this week. I need one thing in a couple of days that will cost me about $12. which I will buy on Friday.  That should leave me with about $38.00 till my paycheck on August 1. If I do need money , I can always get an advance from work to hold me over till I get paid.

I have worked out my budget for each paycheck till August 15 and I'm excited to see what progress I have been doing. My next pay will be a lot better for me. I will have more money on my allowance and will have the second credit card payment money to pay on the 15 of August. This is great. It means that I will soon be able to start making my regular monthly payments and get this debt off my back. Once I pay this off, I will be debt free.

It will take me probably about a year to get it paid. But then I will have my credit card limit available to me again. I can invest that money into things that will benefit me. Writing down each day what I spend is working. It helps me to stay focused on not over spending. It teaches me to value the money I have. When you manage the money you have, you'll have more money to manage.

By working on how I see my money and looking at different way to manage it, expands my view on money and how it works in my life. If I had not started this process, I would not have wanted to connect to my credit card company to work things out, which would have led my account to an R9 rating on my credit report which I prefer not to have. I want to reestablish a good credit because I would like to get a newer car someday.

I'm also thinking that I will be investing my time and money on studying more about the Art of Feng Shui. I have been interested in this for about a year now and I have been chatting with a woman in Facebook that teaches you how to prosper in your business. I have to get going towards my dream, no matter what the cost. 

That's good for now

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Quick blog

Well update on my money trail. I have had to bite the bullet on avoiding my credit card company. I called them to see how I can make an arrangement with them so that I can get my credit card up to date. They told me that I would have to pay $150 for the next three months. OUCH!! That hurt more then I was expecting.

So I decided to go for it. I knew it was going to be a challenge for me for the next two weeks until I get my next pay check. But I have to trust that I can do it. After these two weeks, I will be caught up on all my bills and will be able to start a saving program.

I had 80 hours on my pay this week. Also remember my truck broke down, which cost me $240 to fix. So I cleared $804. I had to go to Money Mart to cash my check because I haven't been able to leave my check in my bank, due to the fact I need the money right away. So I end up paying $30 to Money Mart. My rent is due on August 1, $450.00, $240 to my nephew for fixing my truck and $150 to my credit card company. I had $200 left over from last paycheck which I was saving for my rent money. So after some food and gas for my truck, I have as of today,  $60 to last me till August 1 paycheck. I have to laugh at myself for getting myself into this position. It's my own damn fault.

I calculated how much I can spend a day and it comes to $4.00. If I don't spend that $4.00 today, tomorrow I'll have $8.00. I'm going to need my allergy pills in a few days so I'll save for that first. I still have close to half a tank of gas in my truck. Thank God I don't have to travel far to work.
So it's going to be an interesting 13 days.


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Put your Rain Coat on

" Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it" Rumi


I truly believe this. I really think that if we all loved ourselves fully, we would not need to seek to find love in our lives from others. I must be in love with finding ways to better manage my money, because it's all I focus on. If I get invited to go out somewhere, the first thing I think about is , how much money do I have and can I swing it. I'd like to start my own healing money group with people who can relate to this topic without getting involved in a 12 step program. They don't work for me. They are too limited to what you can share int he groups. You can't share what works for you unless it has to do with the program. That seems a bit controlled to me. And you have limited time to share also, so then you can't share all the things you'd like to say. It's not for me.

I prefer to keep learning how to choose the path to least resistance.  We resist things all the time. The other day, three young people stormed into out store because it was poring rain outside. Not one of them had a raincoat. They preferred to get soaking wet then have to comfort of being dry. There is a huge mount of resistance in this . They saw the rain when they left the house, but still chose to walk out in it. They resisted to make a better feeling choice. Did they not think that the rain would get their clothes wet? Common sense to me says that water does soak in clothing.

So what is it about resisting the better things for ourselves? If they would have chosen the path to least resistance, they would have chosen to put a water proof garment on themselves, because they cared enough about their well being to take the action needed. Why is that so difficult for them to grasp? It's probably because they don't care about themselves. They didn't care if they got wet and damp and cold. It's almost like they anticipated the joy of complaining about it later to others.

My truck was in the shop that day, and I was going to take the bus home, but when I saw how unpredictable the weather was and I knew I would have to walk a fair amount without protection, I had decided to spend the money on a cab. But that didn't happen. My boss offered to drive me home. When you are connected to your higher intelligence, you understand that the weather is a great teacher. I teaches to those that are open to learning about themselves. The rain is a signal that if you don't take care of yourself, you will get wet. No question about that.

Loving yourself is work. Appreciating that you have a choice to get the things you need in life that supports you, if a gift. You feel better when you have your coat on, then when you have your coat on. That is the path of least resistance.  You don't have much money in your checking account and your going some place and your spending it all. That's not the path of least resistance. Don't write the check, don't hand them the credit card.

Tracking Inner Importance

Early morning to work today, I had to be there for 6am to open. There was no time for me to blog so I had to wait till this evening. It was a good day today because I got an inspiration to find a better way to do my envelops that will keep me on track with my money. I'm using the same envelop system that they are using at work. Once I can get the money rolling again.

I really have to keep track on how I spend my cash. If I don't , I fall right back into the old patterns of not caring for myself. I'm sure people with lots of money manage money differently, who know how that works. I wish I knew what it was like to have enough money to care for my bills and myself for a few years, just to build myself esteem a little higher then it is now. Low self esteem sure plays a big role around taking better care of yourself. It's about feeling important enough to want to do the work needed to take better care of my needs.

I choose to remember that I'm important. But can I remember that I'm important when I'm not sure that I've never known that? My importance doesn't come from other people paying attention to me. I think that I've learned very early on that people pay attention to important people, so when I'm not getting any attention, that must mean that I'm not important.  There's a lot of pain that come with feeling like you are being ignored and unheard. And also the pain of feeling that I'm not important, because that's not true.

I think the more I keep my focus on doing what I'm doing with my money, the more important I will feel about myself which then would lead to more self confidence and self worth. If I can detach from the concept of struggling to earn a living and change it to allowing myself to earn a living instead, it feels more at ease and less demanding on myself. It's about changing the way I see things. I allow myself to earn a living as appose to I'm working hard to make a living. I allow myself to earn a living has flow to it. That brings up a piece of importance in myself. I am smart enough to recognize the importance in myself for seeing that I can change the way I view how I earn money. That would also connect to my self esteem.

It all boils down to how you view thing in life. When I can catch myself emotionally, and change my point of view on my life, it moves me into a different direction. It shifts my perspective to allow a new opportunity to emerge. Because there is a new opening on how I see things. That's called change.
I'm always in awe at how I start my blog and end up on such an opposite topic which is neither good nor bad. It just is. Not having any fears arounf what comes up and just letting the words come is very freeing.

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Dent in My Budget

I need to write a song, There's a dent in my budget  dear Liza Dear Liza . lol...the day yesterday was interesting. I got ready for work and got in my vehicle, turned the key and nothing happened. Great, I thought, this is exactly what I need right now. A dent in my budget. I turned the key another time and it started. Phew I thought. So I drove off to work. Stopped at a drug store across from where I work and got in my vehicle, turned the key and nothing. Crap lol, this is not happening. I must be dreaming. I crossed my fingers and tried it again, nothing, again , nothing, again nothing. OK

So I walked over to my workplace. I later returned to try it again. Nothing. God, what perfect timing. I was just starting to get ahead a bit financially. Not a lot, but there was some hope of gaining some money ahead. This is just a dent in my budget for now, I keep telling myself. Thankfully, I have enough to cover my rent. Then this morning I remembered that my plates on my vehicle are due this month. Dent number two LOL. OMG.

I had to sit with this this morning and recreate my July budget. So that means, the only enjoyment in my life to the next few months will have the be free. So lots of nature walks which I love to do anyway. And to really splurge on myself I can do a cheap movie for $5.00. That will be my way of celebrating staying on my budget. It sure takes a lot of discipline to do this money walk. But the more I stay on top of it, the better I get at it.

It is very challenging to imagine a life without having to worry about where is the money going to come from. Staying grateful that I have a job and a nephew that is a mechanic gives me a great deal for working on my truck really helps. So I'm just going to continue to hope that things will improve as I go along with life's dents. Dents can be fixed. Staying focused is the best thing I can do right now.

Surrendering to the process that is happening is not easy. There's a pony in here somewhere. If I am resisting to surrender, I probably am trying to control the process of my life. If I was in control, I would not have allowed my starter on my truck to stop working. There are things in life that remind me that I'm not in charge. So I'm looking at the symbolic meaning of my starter and my old starter in life has died and my new starter in life has begun. There's a whole lot of trust issues around surrendering.

When I surrender to the money I have to give out to fix my truck and allow what needs to happen ...happen, I will be in a state of allowing my life to flow with what shows up. Letting go of the outcome. Letting go of controlling my money when I have to use it for some needs that need to be met, like fixing my truck. Whenever something is happening in my life, it is a sign that things are working out for me on a level that I may not be seeing at the moment. So I have to trust that I will have enough money to survive and everything is working out for me. What a concept.


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