Tracking Inner Importance

Early morning to work today, I had to be there for 6am to open. There was no time for me to blog so I had to wait till this evening. It was a good day today because I got an inspiration to find a better way to do my envelops that will keep me on track with my money. I'm using the same envelop system that they are using at work. Once I can get the money rolling again.

I really have to keep track on how I spend my cash. If I don't , I fall right back into the old patterns of not caring for myself. I'm sure people with lots of money manage money differently, who know how that works. I wish I knew what it was like to have enough money to care for my bills and myself for a few years, just to build myself esteem a little higher then it is now. Low self esteem sure plays a big role around taking better care of yourself. It's about feeling important enough to want to do the work needed to take better care of my needs.

I choose to remember that I'm important. But can I remember that I'm important when I'm not sure that I've never known that? My importance doesn't come from other people paying attention to me. I think that I've learned very early on that people pay attention to important people, so when I'm not getting any attention, that must mean that I'm not important.  There's a lot of pain that come with feeling like you are being ignored and unheard. And also the pain of feeling that I'm not important, because that's not true.

I think the more I keep my focus on doing what I'm doing with my money, the more important I will feel about myself which then would lead to more self confidence and self worth. If I can detach from the concept of struggling to earn a living and change it to allowing myself to earn a living instead, it feels more at ease and less demanding on myself. It's about changing the way I see things. I allow myself to earn a living as appose to I'm working hard to make a living. I allow myself to earn a living has flow to it. That brings up a piece of importance in myself. I am smart enough to recognize the importance in myself for seeing that I can change the way I view how I earn money. That would also connect to my self esteem.

It all boils down to how you view thing in life. When I can catch myself emotionally, and change my point of view on my life, it moves me into a different direction. It shifts my perspective to allow a new opportunity to emerge. Because there is a new opening on how I see things. That's called change.
I'm always in awe at how I start my blog and end up on such an opposite topic which is neither good nor bad. It just is. Not having any fears arounf what comes up and just letting the words come is very freeing.

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