Shift in Energy around Trust

It has been an interesting few days. I have been tracking my spending like a hawk. Every time I spend money I mark it down. It is a must for me to do if I am to get out of this credit card debt. $4000 away from being debt free is very inspiring to me. I can only imagine what I will do with the money I save when I get to this point.

All I have to live on this week is $26 dollars. I will have to use some of this money to get some gas so I can get to work. I also can borrow money from my co workers who have offered to help me out till next paycheck, but I will wait as close as possible because that cuts into my allowance for my next paycheck. I thought I was going to work tomorrow but someone else took that shift.

Am I depriving myself or disciplining myself? I have to teach myself to be in charge of my life. I have to look at the past mistakes that I've made and see what I can to do change what didn't work. Maybe the reason I have under earning jobs is because I can't be trusted to be in charge of anything because they judge me how I take care of myself. Maybe on some level have not learned how to trust myself fully. Perhaps I tell myself on a deeper level, I can't be trusted with money.

Perhaps it's a part of me that doesn't trust myself with money. That's still this underlying belief that keeps coming up. I don't trust myself with money? Is that true? As I sit here pondering deeply about if this is a yes or is this a no answer, it feels like it has to do with wanting to take care of myself financially. Do I have a desire to care for myself financially at all? is the question, I don't trust myself with money an excuse or a belief? It would seem that if I have to write down all my spending, am I confirming to myself that I don't trust myself enough that I have to make sure I be held accountable for all the money I spend?

I don't trust myself with money, is that true? Yes it is true.
Am I absolutely sure that I don't trust myself with money? No that is not true.
How do I feel when I think the thought, I don't trust myself with money.
I feel anxious, fearful, unprotected, rejected.
Who would I be if I didn't think the thought , I don't trust myself with money
I'd be confident in how I manage my life around money.
I'd believe in my strengths more
I'd trust in myself more with money
I would have more passion for life
I'd have more faith in myself


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