I have been working more hours lately, which helps me a lot in my finances, but I'm still not out of the woods yet. My credit card company wants me to come up with $222.00 by July 23 to bring me up to speed with my financial recovery program that they offered me to help me to get caught up. It would be great if I had the money to give them, but my rent and food comes first. Then they want me to give them another $222 by August to cover the remaining payment.
It feels unreasonable to me that I have to give them that amount of money. I'm not strong enough to hold two jobs. So they will have to come up with a better plan for me that will work for each of us. I am still recording my daily expenses so I can track where I'm spending my money and so far it is working. The other day I broke down because I feel so embarrassed about what I do for a living. I don't want to tell people I'm a cashier. With all the courses I have taken and the skills I have developed in my life so far, it doesn't seem right to me that I have to work so hard for so little money.
It feels like I'm starting from scratch again. Renting a room, working for less then minimum wage. Working on finding ways to make my life work for me. I had to make a decision to spend less time with a friend I hang out with. She dismisses everything I say or do with my life even my financial inspiration. I find that I end up not feeling good about myself because she puts me down a lot. I also see her do it to other people. And she wonders why no one has time to hang out with her. The ones that do probably just tolerate her behavior.
It's a bad habit and bad habits are hard to break. Sometimes I feel like I'm just a project to her for her to fix. I'm not sure how I will tell her what I found out about myself through her, because if I do, she will just dismiss that as well. I am feeling better since I have not hung out with her this week. I won't keep making excuses so that I can avoid being around her. I am thinking of making her an offer and let her know that if she prefers to stay the way she is and keep treating me the way she does and not have me around as much, I can live with that. Or I could give her the option that I will hang out with her once every 10 days for one hour. That seems reasonable enough. I can always use my financial situation as a way out of doing things with her because I've put myself on a really tight budget for awhile. I know she doesn't like that because she believes differently and that is fine. I still have to take care of me.
And that is what I am still learning to do. I don't hate my job, but it's definitely not my dream job. I get to interact with a lot of customers in a day. I am managing my money better today then I was yesterday. It's just a matter of consistency.
Your Money Trailblazer
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