Separation caused by The Egoic Mind

I had the wildest experience on the phone yesterday morning with my youngest sister. She called the day before to wish me a happy birthday and I was not able to call her that day to thank her, so I called her the next morning. Well the conversation went well until I made the mistake of commenting on how great it was that she was opening up to talking to the oldest brother in the family, who has always wanted a closer connection to her but has never had the opportunity to do so because of her detachment to the whole family

I never thought it would have caused her to react like she did. I realized after she hung up the phone on me, that she is full of rage and bitterness at what she believes "we" as a family did to her. In her speech she attacked me for my gift of many talents, for making the decision for giving up my daughter and not providing my mother the opportunity to become a grand mother therefor she took it upon herself to have two girls so mom could be a grand parent. I know , I was surprised. 

She told me that my brother sent her a letter to apologies for something she said he did, and felt that the letter was a joke, and that she feels obligated to talk to him because he made an effort. But would have preferred a letter from him saying what a jerk and an asshole he was. So I asked her if that was how she thinks of her own brother? And she never responded. I will be explaining to my brother how she feels about him, because she is raising false hopes in him that his relationship with his sister is going somewhere, when it's not. He deserves the truth. She on the other hand, needs a wake up call. I would rather she hate me for who I am, then love me for who I am not.

My youngest sister tried to commit suicide when she was about 6 or 7 years old . Thank God it was a butter knife. My sister found her in the bathroom. I forgot the story behind that, but it is obviously still affecting her way of thinking today. She talks to two siblings out of 6 in the family. So I am calling on a meeting tomorrow night with three, perhaps four members of the family to discuss a plan of action to get her to realize that she matters to the family. She has become extremely narrow minded, stuck in her story and a problem focused human being, that is crying on the inside for attention.

I have a plan of action that involves love in action. She is not open to anything the family has to offer to help her find relief from her suffering. So I am going to see if my sister and brothers will participate in a card sending technique that I think might work. She can't hate me more then she does now. So this is what I plan to ask my family to do.

We will individually send my sister a card once a month. This card will not have a return address or a signature inside the card. This way, she may assume and accuse us of sending the cards, but there will be no proof of who sent it. I will also ask the family to not respond to any of her calls, if she decides to call to ask to stop sending cards. This will send her a message that she cannot control what we decide to do in our lives. She will probably throw away the cards, which will send her subconscious mind that she is throwing the love of her family in the garbage. When this has happened a few times, the subconscious mind will eventually shift and realize it is throwing love away.

Our true nature is to love, not hate one another. So I will envision her loving the family again and realize that she needs to let go of these thoughts, that she keeps in her mind that is separating her from her own family. That is the ego mind. It has taken control of her well being. When we receive a call from her, we send her another card. It can be a thank you card, thinking of you card, friendship card, someone special card, as long as there is nothing written in the card for her to get upset over. If she reads the card with any of the names of her family on there, it will make her more angry. It triggers the thoughts that create the anger and rage inside her. If we don't write anything, there is nothing she can get angry about except the fact that someone sent her a card, but who? That is silly, why would anyone get upset over someone who actually took the time and effort to send someone a card to show how much they appreciate this person.

This will cause her thinking mind to shift into a more open mind. It will get her out of her narrow mindedness that the ego has got her into. I think it could work. She is not any where's close to having a rational conversation with any one of us. And any apologies from anyone of us, is basically a waste of time. The card thing is our last resort to try and get her to see that we love her no more or no less then anyone else in the family. I'm a middle child, "The Peacemaker" of the family. I hope this works, because I can't think of anything else that would help shift her perception.

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What's next

Yesterday was my 54th birthday. I had to work which was a blessing because it was 30 degrees outside and would have probably stayed home anyways. Or I would have spent the day outside the city somewhere. It's always cooler outside the city. I wish there was a lake close by I could go and spend the day, We have the reservoir but it's surrounded my the city and it doesn't feel like your in nature. I miss nature a lot sometimes.

I'm doing well this week with my money. I have $30 left for gas till Friday and still have 3/4 of a tank left in my truck. I have $70 left for food and $6.50 in change. It only Sunday but if I stick to making something cheap for my lunches at work which sometimes is hard to do without involving bread which I work hard to stay away from, I should be able to make it till the end of the week with money left over.

I'm behind on my credit card payment, and my cel phone bill, I own money to two people. I want to save money to fly home this summer to see my family which I haven't done in five years. Not sure how that is going to go. But I'm not going to give up on trying. My family thinks I can just get on a plane , pay my air fair there and back and that's it. They don't realize I have bills to pay rent , and I have to replace a weeks salary. Plus I need spending money when I go there and come back. 

So if I focus on putting as much money on my cel phone and credit card bills as much as I can and have a few payments ahead on those before I go, it will be a lot easier when I come back from my trip. All I'll have to focus on is my rent , my insurance and my allowance. This paycheck I should be able to pay my nephew and my cel phone bill. I should able to pay something on my credit card and give some money to another friend.

I can't remember when I was ever this far behind in payments. I can't stress about it cause that doesn't help me either. All I can do is work at paying them when I do get some money come in. My mom sent me money and so did my aunts for my birthday. Which has help me this month to ease the stress for making my rent again. When I can pay off what I owe to people, I will only have my rent, my insurance, my cel phone and my one credit card to pay. That should be manageable with the money I'm making now..

I also have to think about where I'm going to be in five years. My landlady is planning on retiring, and I just rent a room with her here. I've been here 9 years, 10 this summer. She has become very dependent on me. And what stuck me the other day is that she makes less money then I do and is able to make payments on a brand new car, afford a home, travel, and still have money to do other things. I can't for the life of me figure how she does it.

I don't feel that I spend more money then she does, and still here she is, somehow is able to do and have all these things. Is it about saving? Is that all I have to do to get the life I want and need? I really would love to live by a small lake in nature. Plant a garden and have a horse or two. But it seems so impossible to have with the way I'm living my life today. Land up here is outrageously expensive. If I even had a chance of owning something I would have to move down home again.

I would not go any further then New Brunswick. I think I would like it there more the Nova Scotia. If only I could get my Karatbars business going and make money doing that, which I can, I would be all set. In a very short while I wouldn't have to work the rest of my life and I could enjoy life, like it was meant to be for everyone. I ordered a bumper sticker for my truck, hoping it will help build my business, or at least draw attention so I can at least talk to people about it. Can't wait to start buying gold.

Anyway , that's it for now.

Have a happy day Your Money Trailblazer   

Call Spirit animals back

It's my day off today....I have money to get my driver's license, so I'll go do that today. It is giving high temperatures of 30 degree. I think I'll go out to the lake this afternoon and take my painting and start that so I can have it for my friend who is coming to town next month.

This weekend is my birthday. Not sure if I will go see a movie. The movie I wanted to see is not playing. So I have to find something else to do. I know it will not be too costly, since I'm focusing on my spending habits. But I do deserve to treat myself.

Yesterday I went to a second hand store and found this stuffed dolphin. I have this gift of communicating with animals that I have don't practice. I'm especially good with horses. As I was almost asleep last night, and hugging my new my new dolphin friend, I heard the words" Please help us, we are afraid we are losing our home and we need you to start calling the animal spirits back to Mother Earth . They are her family and she needs them now more then ever." I wondered how I was going to do this, so I posted it on my Facebook

I am calling back the spirit of the animals that had to leave without their permission. All the animals that are on the endangered species list, those that are remaining, and those that are caged up like criminals where their spirits have left their bodies, because they are not free to walk the fields. I call back the fish that have died in the polluted oceans because of the selfishness of human hands. I call back spirit of the bees and the butterflies and the birds that we need for pollination. I call back the spirit of the trees and the rocks and the dirt that has been manipulated into material things so that we could have are homes and buildings that generate the electricity that is ruining this planet. I will go spend time with Mother Earth today, because she matters to me the most. The animals are calling us all into action. I will not sit here and do nothing , even though many may think I'm crazy, I know my heart's calling.

Not sure why I need to share this story , but here you go. I worked on a man's horse one day. He did not know what was going on with his horse, a stallion, who seemed very depressed, did not eat. He was getting worried and asked a friend he knew if she knew someone who could come and do a reading on him. So she asked me to come. I did not know anything about this horse other then he was very depressed. We both walked to the gate to see this horse, and as he walked in and started to call him by his name " Cutter" He turns around and begins walking the other way. The man is confused because he has never acted like this before. He always came when he was called. So I picked up on that. The horse made the owner walk about 500 yards before he was able to catch him.

I did my work on him and I came with the reading that the horse hated his name. I told this to the owner and he of  a horse owner and I not, figured he knew better than I did. So he said he would try and change his name, but felt it would be hard, since he had called him "Cutter" all this time. So he did change his name for a few weeks and the horse bounced back. The he went back to his original name after the horse was healthy. The horse got depressed again and he eventually had to put him down.

We believe that animals cannot communicate, and therefore, cannot find it in ourselves to be open to the possibility that the energy they give out to people can be read by people that have this gift. And so I still sit here wondering what my life would be like if I followed this gift I have . There is another world out there that is parallel to the world we live in and people are afraid to understand that it exist for our survival. Animals are here to help us, if we would only let them do what they came here to do.

Enough said

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Money is a vehicle we all need to learn how to drive

And so as I read about the economy, and people fearing what will happen if the dollar crashes, how will we recover? People are stronger then they think. If we communicate what is happening in our lives around money, we open up the darkness that holds us from leaping forward. Money is a vehicle that we can all drive. We just need to learn how to steer it in the right direction.

I am far from having the money I want, but it doesn't stop me from taking the time to redirect my thinking about money so that I can make better choices for myself. If I have to invest some of my money in gold, then I can choose to do so. I feel that it is safer there then putting in the banks today. Who knows what will happen in the future.

I believe that when they were talking about the Golden Ages, they were taking about a world that would be redefined by the use of the monetary system. We don't have a choice in this one, it is coming and it will happen, because it is happening right now. I want some security. So when I find ways to make a little extra money, I will be invest it in gold.

Yesterday I stopped by to a second hand store quickly to see if I could find a summer dress. I thought I had found one that would fit. I quickly found on but didn't have time to try it on because I was on my way to work. When I got home, I realized that it was a bit too big for me. It cost me $20. I paid $20 for a second hand dress that doesn't fit. So today I'm returning it and may go to a store where I can buy a new dress for the same price. Or I may change my mine and look for a cheaper dress, cause my budget it low this week.

I hate not being able to buy what I would like to buy. But w=you can't have it all. No one can do it for me. It's a lesson that I have to learn and go through. My money is my mentor. It mentors me to believe in this process. Gail say's in her book " It's Your Money" " Financial Freedom comes when you have control. When money anxieties and fears no longer  creep into your thoughts as you lie in bed at night. We can all have financial freedom, regardless of how much we make, if we put money in perspective."

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Demands demands demands

People are funny. I have customers come into my work place asking me why do we change this much for what we offer. And they tell us that they can get the same service some where's else cheaper. Instead of going to that cheaper place, they prefer to argue and make a scene in front of other customers just to get their point across. Is this not the ego, wanting what it wants? If they know they can get it cheaper some where's else, why don't they make the choice to go to this cheaper place?

I know for myself, when I want to buy something and I want a deal, I do my diligence. It's not that hard today with Google. Then what's funny , we also give two free items with out product, and  they don't want the free items. What? It's free. And they argue that as well.

 

We had one woman come in for our services yesterday and when she came back, I asked her if I could help her. She said she was here to review the product we had done for her, and I said, " Oh yes , you were the large group of 8 or 10 people , I remember." She  quickly snapped back and said," We were 8 of us and I think it would be important to remember that incase a homicide happened you would want to know how many people where  here." Wooo.  Watching too much CSI perhaps.

Is this the way people respond to daily remarks? What in the world is happening in their lives that would generate a response of this intensity? What could have happened in her life that would cause her to think of a thought that is so stressful? What is she attracting to her life, was my next question. I could maybe understand that because of her race, she may have gone through some really tough times in her past but why does she have to bring these thoughts into her daily life instead of looking at them and clearing them instead? I may have to bring in some sage to clear this place of the negative people that come in to out place of business.

People bring with them the energy they carry. If you are in a bad mood, you bring that with you all day , everywhere you go. You leave bits and pieces of that energy with a friend, or co-worker. No wonder our equipment keeps breaking down. The energy is so bad there that it cannot run properly. Everything is energy, and bad energy can affect equipment too. Since I've worked there, we've replaced out printer, out debit printer, a cord on a machine we use, our server computer went down this week also. It seems to be one thing after another. So I think it's sage time.

I also find that is I say what is true in the situation, I'm the one that is rude. That's makes me wonder what the other person heard me say. I had a customer and I told them that if they didn't want to make to purchase , that they had the choice to say no, and I'm the one that is called being rude. The truth is that they DO have the choice. They came into our business and decided to buy whatever we had to offer. Then if they are not satisfied with what we provide, they want us to chance the way we run the business in order to satisfy their needs. Isn't that a form of manipulation?

How long would businesses run if we catered to the exchange of needs a customer had? Not very long, I'm guessing. But yet there are many people out there that feel they have a right to go into any business they want and demand the price they ask for, and if they don't get what they want, the tantrum begins. Isn't in interesting. I'm sure not the only person out there that has experienced this . What is going on with people today. Do they go at Starbucks and demand a cheaper price on their $5.00 latte? I'm guessing not. Do they go to the hair salons and nail salons or massage salons and demand that the owners put  down their prices also. No, why? Because it is a service.

To serve another is a privilege, not a right, just like driving. If we were not able to serve one another, one would wonder how long we would last here on earth. We can stop being so demanding and start being grateful that we have the ability to serve someone something they need, and be grateful that this service is offered. If we couldn't offer our service in the business I'm in, LOL let's just say, is there another planet pleeeeese...... 

 

Me and Money

Debt free forever is not a concept that many of us think about everyday. We think more about how many bills we have to pay and how are we going to pay them and when will we be able to pay them. It's a stresser for a lot of people. But why do we need to be like this?

What is the best way to handle the stress dealing with money? What if money had no more value, would we feel the same about it or would we be angrier and more hateful towards it? The times I've hated money the most is when I don't have any. But looking back, I always seem to manage to get it somehow. For instance, this next two weeks, I have to live off $110 for food and $80 for gas to get to work. There is no extra cash for me to do anything else. So I have to figure out how I will be able to pay for my driver's license this month without braking the bank. I refuse to go into the money I am saving for my emergency fund.

Next month will bring me a little relief, because I get three paycheck in that month. $550 will go back to people that have helped me this month. It seems impossible sometimes that I will find money to do what I need to do. My birthday is at the end of this month. I know my mom always sends me a $50 check and my birth mom sends me money too. I will be able to use that money toward my license.

It's a day to day learning curve for me and money. It's like it never leaves my side no matter how hard I try. I have to stay committed to the process of managing my money so that I can get ahead financially. A lot of people are working hard to make more money then they really need. They use it irresponsibly ad suffer the consequences after the money is spent.

Yesterday, I ordered my bumper sticker to advertise my website. I want to start saving my money in gold, but that will have to wait till next month. I have been hearing about how the fiat currency is declining. Texas is calling in their gold, other countries are switching to gold exchange currency, it is the new monetary system being put into place as I write this out. Will everyone be on board with the new way of looking at how we exchange the value of the dollar? Probably not. Mainly those like me that have financial literacy issues.

So I have decided that I need to take care of my own needs because I am the only one that can decide what I need to do with my life. It's up to me . I'm very impressed to see how much the company I'm involved in is growing . There was a hundred thousand people in November that had joined, today we are at four hundred thousand and growing fast. There is an average of a thousand people everyday that are getting on board with this company. That tells me that people are believing in the vision of what this man has to offer to everyone. I'm in.

I can't wait to see what the results will be with my bumper sticker. If it becomes successful in any way, I will be able to quit my day job and focus all my energy on helping people to become financially comfortable with a knowledge of how to manage their money. My vision is to help people find a way to support themselves and their family so that we don't fall into the same patterns that we were raised in the past. We are teaching our children the same money patterns that we have learned from our own parents. I have seen millionaires manage their money worse then me. So who says I can't inspire people to change the way they see money too.

For better and for worse

Well it's not because I have been ignoring my blog out of interest. It's because I've been so stupid busy with my work that I get home too exhausted to even write. But I promise I won't let you down.

I have made a new Facebook page to be of service to those that want to do Byron Katie's The Work. It has been a great help to me and I know that we can build a community of people that want to heal the suffering they are experiencing. I know I do.

If you want to participate go to my website https://www.facebook.com/TheWorkwithChar

It's free and we can all heal together if we are willing to look at our thoughts and how they affect our lives.

So what has been going on is, lol , I have to laugh, my big laptop has gone "capput" it won't reboot. Will have to take that in to the computer shop , when I have more money to do so. I have a mini laptop that is doing the job for now.

Today is my day off, all I'm planning on doing is laundry, my yoga, maybe my horse painting that I started and self care. I always get guided to what I'm suppose to do. The other day I went for a walk in the park with my good friend Heidi and we had a nice chat about a lot of things. It's so nice to be able to talk to friends that have the same interest and are open minded to all sorts of things.

I was showing her how my fingers seems to be dehydrated and it doesn't matter how much water I drink, it doesn't seem to want to go away. She told me that she was taking a product called Hyaluronic Acid, saying that it rehydrates the body. So as usual , I got on the internet to investigate this item. And much to my surprise, I found out that the white in your eye is entirely made up of this acid. It is also beneficial for people who suffer from digestive issues, joint pain, and intestinal issues. I was fascinated with the connection that I have been doing with my eyes and my immune system, which apparently this acid is vital for a healthy immune system as well.

Our immune system starts in the intestines. And that's  where I have been putting my focus on rebuilding. So I went off to the Community Health food store in search of this product made by a company called BioCell Technology. I find it funny that we are now calling new stuff "technology"

Oh well. I asked the young girl who was eager to help me, to see if they carried this company's product. After checking it out, she came back and told me that they did not. So I said I'd look at what they had and would decide on something. LOL They did have one product by BioCell after I looked at the back of one bottle. So I have started with 2 to 4 capsules a day and will monitor my progress.

Spirit always guides me to the next step. I had been taking Asea since March 1, and was feeling I had taken enough. My body was telling me that I needed to start something else, perhaps for another three months, who knows. But I have learned that it is important to listen to what my body is telling me to do. I have also been eating raw carob powder. I make this mixture of carob powder, bananas, peanut butter, honey and hemp hearts and freeze it in ice cube trays and it is now my new healthy ice cream. I love it.

So how am I with my money managing? You may be wondering. I have been doing good. Tomorrow is payday. I managed to get over 80 this paycheck, and I have $50  left from my last paycheck. This paycheck will be for my rent, some towards my insurance for my truck, I need my driver license  renewed and it's my birthday this month, which means I need to celebrate and I already have a plan. I want to go see this movie called. Mrs Brown. it's a comedy. You know the ones that make people laugh. Don't see many of them in Theaters these days.

I have been putting my dimes and nickels in my entertainment box and I have a $10 Cineplex ticket my landlady gave me a few months back, so that will be enough for popcorn and a drink.


And the work continues....


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Improving my money attitude

It's saturday, I have been good managing my money so far. It had been interesting to see what thoughts have been coming up. I had a couple the other morning that made me wonder. All relating to how I see my life and the world of money. " I don't see any improvement with my money" I had to ask if that was true, and it was a no. It's not true because I do see improvement with my money. Perhaps not the improvement I'd like to see, but that would be my ego wanting it to improve now and quickly. But improvement takes time. It's a skill that is learned with the task I use to help my money situation,

 

When I choose not to look at my money issues I choose to allow my attitude about money to not improve. My attitude around my money matters. If I hate money, my attitude will attract money issues that match my attitude. If I keep thinking the thought" I don't see any improvement with my money" Doesn't leave me much room for improvement, does it? But if I turn it around, and think of the times that I did see improvement with my money, I choose to see things in a different perspective.

 

The other thought that came up was " I can't spend the money I want to spend, because I don't have it" . If I truely beleive that thought, I create and manifest it without any effort because I'm carrying the energy of this thought in me , every moment, without being consciously aware of it. But, not that I have my eye technique to help bring up the thoughts connected to my money beliefs, I can clear them.

 

I read that the link between poor vision and poverty has a link between them. It would make total sense. How could people who struggle with money, possibly see a bright future ahead of them? Dahh!!.. Money is the tool people need the most in life. But wealth had nothing to do with money. Wealthy can be linked to many things, like a wealth of health, wealth of water, wealth of space and time, wealthy of air we breath. It's a word that has been painted with conditions. In order to be wealthy, we need to acquire lots of money and lots of material things. I can't tell you how disturbing it is to see people walk in and out of Walmart everyday, with stuff they procbably don't need. And quess who's laughing....

 

I beleive I have a wealth of knowledge, you can't buy that anywheres. It might be a good thing to buy product from other people to help them get wealthier, but what wealth is it giving you? Are you richer because you went and bought this great car that has all these fancy gadgets, just so you can fit in with the in crowds? Once we get to the point that we can no longer buy stuff with money and we have to buy stuff with gold, our attitude about wealth and money will shift in a big way. We will begin to think twice, maybe even three of four times, before we decide to purchase something. I see if as a good thing, because we are extremely over spending. Our planet is plagued with extreme spenders. When they could be doing something greater with the money they earn. It will be interesting to see how we will communicate with each other, once the kaka hits the fan.

 

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Eye Insight

Last night when I was working on my eye technique, I was pondering on the question," Why do I beleive that every time things start getting better with me and I get to this good feeling, something happens to that takes away my joy. And as I was doing my eye technique, this image came to me , I was walking down the stairs in the house I grew up in, and the guy that molested me, when I was about 7 or 8 years old was waiting there for me.

 

So what I experienced was  a belief which was programmed in my mind that when good things happen to me, I would experience something bad happen next. That is my ego mind. I can actually question that thought. Is it true that eveytime things start getting better in my life, something bad will happen next? No it's not true. How do I react when I think the thought, when good things happen in my life, something bad will happen next?. I feel anxious all the time, I'm in a constant state of preparing myself for the worse. Fearful, worried, not trusting the process of life.

 

Who would I be without the thought, everytime things start getting better in my life, something bad will happen next?. I'd be worry free. I'd be happy most of the time, I'd trust life more. I'd be less concerned with money,

So I had to get to work, and as I was driving on my way there, and pondering on what I had discovered about this truth, I could feel the energy in my stomach moving around. So I took three deep breaths and blew out the energy.Then another thought came up , " I don't want to see bad things happen to me?" Is that true? Yes ,,,,How do I react when I think the thought," I don't want to see bad things happen to me." I feel nervous, I can't relax, I'm apprehensive, fearful, withdrawn,

Who would I be without that thought" I don't want to see bad things happen to me." I'd be happy, joyful, free, trusting life, forgiving, open, fearless. My thoughts are lies. Lies that have been stored in my subsonscious mind for years. They've lived there as long as I have lived so far. They still want to run and ruin my way of living. Unless I decide to stop them and teach my ego mind that they are a false identity.

It's funny each time I start working on money, I think I'll only be dealing with the mathematics. But once you start digging into the energy of money, a whole new world emerges surrounding your beliefs and values around your concepts of money and how you deal with it. Money is just a physical item. You can't take a hundred dollar bill and put it in your hand and say to it," Be evil, or be greedy, or be fearful." It's not money that holds these thoughts, it's me. And as long as I don't change the way I think about money, whatever thoughts I think about money, will be the energy I attract around it.

Since I cleared this yesterday, a friend call me last night asking me if I was interested in working for her part time cleaning her house. That's confirmation that I shifted my thinking around that piece I worked on. We are energy and we vibrate constantly to the tones of the beliefs that we beleive. Hateful people are full of hateful thoughts, therefor do hateful things, because they beleive their hateful thoughts and therefore act on them. No one was born with a hateful heart. It's what was projected onto them as a baby when the beginning of all their suffering began..


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And That's OK

I was so busy at work yesterday, that I didn't have enough energy to write last night. So I got home, ate a bit and went to bed. It was interesting that I only spent $3.00 yesterday. I'm noticing that I don't have the need to spend money everyday like before. I got my paycheck and did what I said I was going to do with it, and I have about $20.00 left for the week for snack and coffee for work, and $80 for gas to get to work. And that's OK.

 

I adore Byron Katie's The Work. And I use it alot in my daily practice. Practically on the thoughts that make me feel upset or stressed. So when I think the thought of " I need to manage my money" I have to ask myself the question," Is that true?" I need to manage my money? And I want to answer "Yes, it is true" Then I ask," Am I absolutely sure that I need to manage my money? Is that true? I need to manage my money." My answer is still "Yes" Then I ask" How do I react when I think the thought " I need to manage my money? " I feel fearful if I think the thought I don't need to manage my money. I feel not in control, not trusting how things will unfold.

 

Then I wonder , who would I be without the thought," I need to manage my money" I would be free to love money instead of hating the idea that I need to manage it everyday. I'd be free from worrying about it everyday. I'd be more accepting of myself when it comes to having money in my life. I was talking to my friend about this. I told her I have a fear of having too much money because I fear I wouldn't be able to handle it, due to the fact I can't handle the little money I do have today. Isn't that an interesting thought. I can't handle lots of money? Is that true? No it's not true because I have never had the experience of handling lots of money, so how would I know I have this fear. It's my mind that created this thought when I was a kid, again, I go back to the experience when I was a child and my mom took my money and put it in the bank, because I couldn't handle lots of money. Fascinating how our mind can create beliefs that are lies.

 

I beleive that life gives me a push in the right direction when I need to go to the next level in my life. I have been obsessed with money all my life and I'm sure I'm not the only one who relates to this and the Universe helps me by giving me lessons to look at so I can learn how to change the way I see things. I need to remember that I'm just here to learn the lessons and not get caught up in the thoughts the my minds wants to create.

 

So today I will put $20 in gas in my truck to this week. I will go check on my garden and see if I can plant anyting else. It's a beuatiful sunny day so perhaps it would be a great idea to go outside and enjoy the weather. Before we know it , it will be fall and winter once again.

 

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A Buck A Day

OMG I finally get a two weeks paycheck. I forgot how it felt to have all this money, mind you, it's all going to good use. I cleared $930 for two weeks. It would be nice if I could just take this money and treat myself with shoes and clothes like some people would do, but not me. I pay what I owe. So $200 of this money is for my friend who was nice enough to lend me some money to cover my vehicle insurance which I wrote a check for, $60 is going to my cel phone bill, $165 is staying in my account for my vehicle insurance for next month, $110 is going towards my credit card, $70 is for my nephew who helped me with truck repairs, $50 is going on my prepay credit card to order my landlady's Regal order which I've been holding on to, $25 is going into my savings account towards my emergency fund and that leaves me with $250 for two weeks.

 

It would be nice to put all of it in the bank in my savings account or buy gold, but I have to deal with what's real.  Life is happening right now. I have a cat that needs her items so I have on my list of things I must get, kitty litter, cat treats, my allergy pills, hair conditioner ( I buy the cheapest I can find) and the rest will be for food and gas. I figured out that it's costing me around $80 in gas for two weeks to travel to and from work. As long as the gas prices don't change. It's a challenge to budget for gas when the price goes up and down  so often. 

 

But it's a really nice day today and I have to remind myself that it could be worse. I have what I need today. So I better get cracking and practice self control today. I have urges to go into stores and buy things I could use, like new clothes and shoes. I haven't bought anything new in I don't know how long. My black work pants are so worn out, it's almost embarrassing to wear them, but I have no choice right now. I will see if I can manage without $5.00 this week and put it my clothing cathegory box. I have to look good at work.

It worked out great. I asked my landlady if she would drive out to Costco so I could buy chicken and pork. We each got some and now I have meat in my fridge which will probably last me almost three weeks, maybe even a bit longer. I can get the old stuff, like rice and salad as the week goes on. I'm not the greatest cook and when it comes to making something good, I feel challenged in this area. So I mainly cook as I go. The most important thing is I have food in my fridge and gas in my vehicle.

I have to choose to take care of myself. No one can do it but me. If I was lucky enough to have lots of money, I would have to worry about where I spend my money. And I wonder if those that who have lots of money are better off then I am. Really, I am learning so much about money by taking the time to look the mistakes I make and change my actions.

It's all about adapting to the circumstances that life presents me. I can choose to look at all this in anger and frustration or I can allow myself to change my thinking about money and do the best I can with the lessons I'm learning. Money is a tool, my job is to build a tool kit for my money and know that the faith I do have inside me is a tool that I can use to encourage me to keep on moving forward.

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Tuesday

Well I'm not sure how I managed to attract a job that is still alot to handle What is it with companies these days that seem to believe that one person can handle a full eight hours non stop workload  It starts the minute I open the door until I close. It's too much for one person, but still I have to get up at 8am, leave for work at 9 am so I can get to customer service at 9:30 so I can get the key in time to open at 10am cause if I wait till 9:50 to get the keys, customer service is on break and then I can't open till 10 after 10....I get my lunch from 2pm to 3pm that's if no one is in the store so I can close, this is madness. I then take some time to eat, cause I have to for some reason.LOL

 

And bosses wonder why people don't stay in jobs. I like the work, it's the workload that is tiring. It's the non-stop, steady stream of people coming in and out over and over and over, the demand people have, and the frustated customers to deal with. Am I the only person on the planet that feels what I'm going through or is it the way we have fallen into patterns that we cannot sustain anymore. I'm 54 years old and my body is telling me that I'm not cut out for this 8 hours on my feet.  

 

I then work till 7 pm. Don't get home until 7:30pm eat at 8pm which is not good for my system. I'm not like the hours. This 10am to 7pm this is not even for the birds. It's 9pm and I'm trying to keep my eyes open so I can tell you the good news of what happened to me today.I found a twenty dollar bill. Yes the universe gave me twenty dollars. I have never found that much money ever. I was so happy because I knew that I would buy some groceries with itand that made me happy.

 

I finally got paid today after after almost a month at this job. I finally get a two weeks pay on fridayl It is all gone already, but I will have my budget money for the next two weeks. God, I wish I could get my side business going because if I did, I wouldn't have to work anymore. I have a few people that I need to talk to ....to see if they are interested in saving money in gold. I can't wait to start.

 

Well , thursday tommorrow and I have off friday. I'll have to plan my meals for the week cause I don't have time or the energy after work to cook anything. Eating something healthy is important to me...it keeps my energy up. Well time to do my eye exercises and go to bed

 

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