Cat A Rackets

Well haven't checked on my blog recently and it looks like I'm a hit in Russia. It is great to see tat people from all walks of life are open to changing how they see things in their lives.


I recently have been working a lot on my vision. My eyesight is not the best it could be an I have been looking for alternatives to healing my eyesight instead of going to the "eye doctors" who refuse to see that they are hurting peoples eyesight  prescribing stronger an stronger eye ware. Which continuously weakens the eyesight. They are as bad as the pharmaceudical  companies poisoning people wit drugs.


I have started with my seminar and it is moving and shifting my beliefs around my vision. Tanks to "man" and their dark vision for this planet an humanities future, I am constantly clearing old limited beliefs that prevent me from believing that we can live in total harmony with this planet, because there no planet Earth 2 to do to , yet.


All these limited beliefs that have worked against me started from as early as 3 years old, when my Mother first introduced to my first experience of poverty. That has negatively effected me throughout my entire life. All these limited beliefs like " I see the world with eyes of poverty" " I can't see how I'm going to take care of myself financially" " I can't see how I'm going to make it to my next paycheck" " I struggle for the bare necessities in life" and on an on it goes.


All this on top of working 6 days a week and still living paycheck to paycheck. I don't feel safe putting money my money in the banks because they support the oil industry which is destroying our planet. So I can only save at a local Credit Union because they don't support them.


Having all these limited beliefs about life has also caused me to manifest cataracts in both eyes, which has to with blurring my vision and reality about the life I'm living in. The inability to see ahead with joy." Cataracts are often caused by poverty and malnutrition, but also prevalent in the elderly, cataracts develop wen the lens of the eye becomes cloudy and progressively blurred. Tis blurs your vision of reality. It distances you from the details, perhaps because of a disenchantment with seeing a world of poverty, where you have to struggle for the bare necessities, or because the world seems so fearful. This is particularly so in the elderly and indicates a fear of seeing what lies ahead: the dread of impending helplessness, sickness, and loneliness. It can occur when you project a mental image of what will happen in the future, and then live in fear of this occurring. Withdrawing behind the cloudiness creates the illusion that nothing is really changing" out of a book I use a lot.


So I have been experimenting by taking off my glasses when I don't have to read anything or do anything important. This reduces the strain that my eyes are trying to keep by constantly adjusting to the prescription I have. it has stirred up some deeper emotions that I want to hide behind the cloudiness of my life. I can now use this technique along with other tools I have to restore my vision again. I am already starting to see subtle daily improvements.


When you only look for the dark side of life, that is what you will continue to see, and see more of it. It seems that today more then ever, people are hiding behind the cloudiness of their lives, because they believe there is no other way. I believe my new vision is to provide new hope for those who suffer with impaired vision. My new belief today is " I have enough money for today" I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I can only do one day at a time. Last night , wen I was almost asleep, the thought of money came back to me, I had to gently remind myself that I don't need money right now. It takes away the worry that is attached to it. That is the racket I cause for myself by adding worry to the problem. There is much more to life than we are truly seeing.


Thanks for reading my blog






Your Money Trailblazer




 

Cooking up some Cash

I am getting excited for my next Landmark seminar which starts next Wednesday already. I have been working on my creating a spending plan that hopefully will work, starting next paycheck. I covered all my bases for this payday and my next payday will have less bills for me to pay. I should be able to put some money away. I still have a bit of time before Christmas to get ahead. Plus I plan to reward my commitment to working on my money issues by allowing myself to get a hair trim for the holidays.

I also found out yesterday that my Mom's house has sold. That means I will be getting $5000 inheritance. Once I get this money I am putting it towards a vehicle that is easier on gas. The vehicle I have would cost too much to fix an there is no guarantee that it will last. I have had this one for ten years.

I have been trying to decide if I should look at leasing a vehicle instead of buying one. That way I don't have to pay for maintenance and I could get a new car every three years. My motive for leasing is that it would help build my credit history. I know I'm going to pay higher interest fees, but there is no way of getting out of that.

So I will have to do some research around this because I do need to know how this leasing works. It might not be the best option for me. But I have spoken to a few friends that have leased before and they all recommend it.

Work is very slow. I basically babysit the office all day. It makes long days being all alone here with no one to talk to, except a customer or two a day. But I have a something I have been working on that is generating passive income. I just need to put money into it.

Your Money Trailblazer

My Money Muscles

Well last night I was in fear that I wouldn't be able to have enough money to make it till next pay. So I had to look at my finances to make sure. I wanted to try not to borrow from Money Mart if I could help it. But it seems I won't be able to get out of it this time. I did manage to figure out how I will pay all my bills. I made 94 hours on this paycheck and I need $1109.09 in total for my bills on Nov 15 and Dec 1. So this is how I'm going to do it.

This paycheck I have my Landmark course $155 ( which included free unlimited coaching and 10 sessions ( one per week tat last three hours each) I have to pay off the rest of my Roger's account which is $84.09. Then I will put $50 on my cel phone which is up to date, this will give me a bit of a credit and then $75 to Capital One an last $165 for my vehicle insurance. Plus I owe money to my boss $130.  That will leave me with about $350 for two weeks.

If I wait till the end of the month to go to get money from MoneyMart for pay my rent for Dec 1 ....I will borrow $450 from them an will repay probably around $517 back, but that is all I will owe on that paycheck. This is a lot less stressful this way then if I would save money for my rent and try to pay Roger's, Landmark seminar, Capital One  and pay my boss.

Also I will put $70 in my savings which will bring it up to $90. It's the most I've saved in a long time. After Dec 1 I should be able to save at least $100 per paycheck. I hope I can get to this point because I am so tired of struggling with money. I cannot wait to get my seminar started. I was thinking about how money has been making me angry all my life. Angry that I don't get to do the things I wish I could do. As I said before, I'm the one responsible. No one can help me with my money issues but myself. I have to make an effort to change the things that on't work for me.

It is a daily chore for me. I have to keep strengthening my money muscles. Right now I am listening to a video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSENConxVKU   It T. Harv Eker. He teaches strategies on how to help you change your perceptions on how you view money. I think it really good to listen to people that have made it with money. Never give up on your dreams. NEVER NEVER NEVER !!!!!!!!


Your Money Trailblazer

Stan for YOUR life

Well it was a great feeling to have completed my Sex and Intimacy seminar. What I got out it would replace 40 years of therapy.  I went in with no confidence of having a conversation with men or money, and I came out with the feeling that I can handle any conversation I would have with men or money. I have also discovered that I can continue on my self investigation on men and money in my next seminar which starts in two weeks. I am looking forward to the many lessons I will learn about myself through the sharing of others.

I was talking with two people that where in my group about creating the possibility of being extraordinary with money in my life and I have inspired both of them also to take on this possibility. What joy this brings to my heart, knowing I am making a difference in peoples lives.I can't wait to see what will show up around shame, anger, resentment and fear around money for me. It could be very interesting.

I will discover what stories I am telling myself with money. What my rackets are around not wanting to save money.  Everyone of us has rackets with money. It is the story we repeat continuously  to ourselves. The protest in the States right now is a perfect example of rackets. Anger is a racket. It takes power over us by allowing us to express our opinions. When this energy is expressed out into the world, it is felt globally. It shifts everything. Fear is the driving force behind anger. The fears of security for our lives and the people we love. No man can make you feel secure in your life. It has to start with you, as an individual. You are the only ones that can make yourself feel secure.

No matter who is in the head office running the show for each of us, we are the ones that have the choice to get up in the morning and make our lives great. Life is way too short to put energy into people who refuse to look at the dysfunctional immature, controlling, manipulative, humans that we have to live with. Today, I have a choice. I can make MY life great. I don't have to wait for anyone to do it for me. I invite you all to think about it, and do the same for yourself. Individual power collaborates with the universe much stronger and faster than any protest put together. Stand for your life.


Your Money Trailblazer

Singing into Greatness

Well I finally got my laptop back. It has been tough not being able to write on my blog. I couldn't connect on my computer at work because they are already signed into their Google account and I prefer not to have them read my blog.


What in the world have I been up to since I last wrote? Well tonight is the last night of our Sex and Intimacy seminar. I was so worth it, that I am doing the next seminar. I will be working on creating a possibility for my life on being extraordinary with money. I already know what I want to tackle in this next work. I want to look at my anger,resentments, fears, worry and shame.


I did not think of doing another seminar , because I wanted to wait until they have a seminar on money, but the other night wen I was there, I got to chat with a woman tat said I could make the seminar into what ever I chose to work on. OMG!!!! I want to work on my money blocks. She said I could wait for year before they do a money seminar. So I am super excited.


I have discovered in the seminar that I have been hiding from having a conversation with men, in particular. I found out that it comes from my childhood programming and now that I am aware of it, I can stand up and face this block. I tried it the other day on Facebook. Tis man wanted to "friend" me...LOL....Ok .....I'll give it a go.....Well......it went pretty much as I imagined. Twenty minutes into the chat, he started asking about my goals, and it came to this question that e asked me, " Where do you see our relationship going? " Oh yes......not surprised....I answered back......" Well I'm not sure what " our goals" means , since we are just having a conversation here. Right?" Needless to say the conversation ended very quickly. I suspected he was a scam.


So that left me confirming my belief that men cannot be trusted, even if I try. But I must not give up. I will continue working on having a conversation with men. I just need to be aware of how the conversation goes, and watch put for any red flags, which I recognized pretty fast in his conversation. So much fun.


I have since changed my cel phone company and not save around $100 per month on that bill. I do have to pay over $300 to pay off my other cel company, but it's worth it. I still seem to always be one pay check from saving money. But I am not giving up.


 I also have a new hobby at work, singing on Smule. It is helping find my voice again and I have been having so much fun with that program. There are so many great singers on there. It has helped me to breath better too.


I'm still working at this job that provides a paycheck, but it has been very slow. I have to say, I have never had a job that allows me to freedom to sing all day at work. I have to entertain myself some how.


Well gotta go sing some more


Tata 4 now
And THANK GOD THE YOU KNOW WHAT IS OVER!!!!!


Your Money Trailblazer

Pièce de Ré·sis·tance

Well it's 5 am and I can't sleep. I have resistance on my mind since I went to my seminar on Wednesday. I will own the responsibility of feeling like I don't fit in with the people in the seminar because I'm from down east and I have this accent that I think sets me apart from everyone in the room. I know this is one of the rackets I play in my life and use it as an excuse to not participate in engaging with people. I will have to have a conversation with a coach in my seminar so that I can have a breakthrough in this area of my life so that I can move forward.

When I heard what the exercise was going to be on Wedneday, I felt anger build up inside right away. I think it was because I didn't feel like doing what they were asking me to do. I'm told what to do all the time. At work especially. But since I realised the feeling of anger rising in me, I knew I had to break through this to get to see what would come up in the exercise. We were to sit across each other and stare in each other's eyes for about 3 minutes. Seemed easy enough. I told the other person to think of cute puppies.

As we're being guided through the process, our coach kept on asking us to keep letting go of the thoughts that came up. So I did. When I got to the end of the exercise, I felt a wave of major resistance come up. It worked. I broke through the anger and got to the place of feeling resistance. But why? I had to look back at a few places in my life where I felt major resistance and how did that affect me and my life today.

One place I looked was around money. In my previous blogs, I explained how my Mom would take the money my birth Dad would give me and put it in the bank. So I learned to resist having money in my life. When I was 6 and was inappropriately touches in my private area with the neighbour, I learn to resist being around men especially those I can't trust. In the 70's we were on the edge of a nuclear war, I resisted taking a risk of enjoying life because life is not safe . Today I can see these are all rackets I play in my mind and  it doesn't  have to play a part of my life anymore.

Resistance is like holding onto tension all the time. It's pushing against things. Not allowing myself to open to the possibility of something greater. I still get frustrated when I have to spend most of the money I make to other people. It definitely brings up resistance. It's like finally I have money that I could spend on myself and I have to give this money to someone, like my bills. But if I turn this around with an energy of gratitude, it shifts. I am grateful today that I have broken through my resistance of changing cel phone company. Now I will have a monthly bill of $40 instead of $130 to $150 a month. That is a breakthrough.

Breakthroughs happen more often then we realise. It's my breakthroughs that help me to move forward and allows me to change my perspective on how I am living my life.

Your Money Trailblazer

I Think I can....I Think I Can .....I Think I Can.....

Well today is payday. I am working 6 days week, because I want to get ahead in my finances. I keep my focus on moving ahead. That is the key. I am still caught up on my credit card payments. Today I am going to change my cel phone service and save $100 a month or more. Next thing is to get a vehicle that is cheaper on gas. That will save me another hundred a month or more.

Once you start looking at areas in your life that you can cut cost on, it inspires me to take action. I have been deligent in doing my work around money so that I can help people do the same. I have now put into action some money into a savings account that I call a Prudent Reserve. And I also have another savings account called Playtime account. That is all I have. I also started purchasing gift cards which works really well because I tend to not use them so quickly.

This habit strenghtens my belief that I can do it. Debt builds stress. We think we need to have alot of money to have a good time. Eight percent of people say it's hard to save money.

We tend to go shopping when we are stressed. It's a great excuse to make us feel better. We have a fight with someone and we go shopping. We lose our job and we go shopping. It a vicious cycle.

There are triggers everywhere. That's when my play account comes in handy. If I'm really stressed and I have to go shop, then I use this account and I leave my other bank cards home.

Taking charge in my money has really made me feel good about myself. It' s a great achievemnent in my life to have the courage to sit with my money and see what is happening in that part of my life.

Write down what it is you really want to see happen aroind your money issues and watch the Universe conspire to make it happen. Everytime.


Your Money Trailblazer

Into-me-see

Today I look at today as a beginning of a new possibility to create a life I deserve. One on happiness, playfulness and adventure. I got this out of my seminar. I got that I am hiding. It has opened my eyes to my world in a new way of believing my world can be different. Working on myself for the past years, makes me understand more of why we do the things we do. We create our own world.

The world we live has much more potential then it use to have in the old days. We had the power to reinvent ourselves at the very core of our beings if we chose to do our inner work. Many people don't understand how the Landmark work can help this planet get to a higher level of consciousness. I believe it can and in fact, it is doing it, one person at a time. Broken families are  mended, relationships are restored, fallen friendships flourish again, kids are reconnecting to there parents. It's amazing to see the healing that is happening in this program. I'm almost thinking of redoing the Forum again in January.

My money issues are getting dealt with. I can now see what I am doing with the money I earn and making conscious choices that help me to improve the quality of my life.  I am actually making money online. I invest my time into this program and I have taken out money to see if I could and I can. I am investing all my earnings towards this program. I invested $100 and I click my ads everyday and buy packs morning and night when I have enough money in my earnings. I have been doing this for the past 7 months and I have earned a little over thirteen hundred dollars. I get more return from this then I do with my bank. I can help you get started if you are interested. just sign up and I'll get you going  This is the first time I have ever invested money  online and seeing it grow. It's an awesome feeling. https://www.mypayingads.com/ref/124072

I have off today, but I am planning on getting on the Leadership call. I learn a lot from listening to the leadership in the group. It is important to stay on the court which helps me to stay focused on my seminar. I may think of getting involved in the leadership program later on. I also suggested that they think about getting the money seminar out again. I would definitely  think of taking that one. The program is funny though. Sometime you take a seminar to clear something in your life that you want clarity on like sex and intimacy and you end up healing a different part of your life , like money issues. My intimacy with money has improved a lot, because I now look closer to where I want to use my money.

Intimacy means being known and knowing another means being interested. Into-me-see.


Your Money Trailblazer

Reinventing a new design

The last three weeks have been pushing me to my limit. Having to fly home unexpectedly for my adopted Mom's funeral brought on a lot of stuff I had to deal with that I had not considered. I was adopted in a family of 4 kids. My adopted Mom was 87 and I wanted to be with my family, but did not know how I was going to manage finding the money to fly home and back. I also was fearful of losing my job which I could not afford. But without expecting anything to happen, my sister in law knew someone that worked for Westjet and they got me a ticket and I didn't even have to pay them in return. Angels at work for sure.

Being home with my sister's and bother's was stressful because I don't think the way I use to and I could see that they were struggling to have a conversation because I wouldn't get involved in their stories. There was a lot of self restraint on my part. My brother was the executor and we all got learn what papers need to be in order if something happens to any one of us. So I was pressured to find a way to ask my birth mother if she had all the papers she needed when the time comes for her. She is 89 and has been declining a lot health wise. I was relieved to find out that she did in fact got all the papers I need for when the time comes.  I could finally relax once I got back on the plane.

I'm back at my job and engaging myself in my Sex and Intimacy seminar. I have learned that my act around sex is hiding. And this morning I discovered another act by being on a leadership call for our group leader because he couldn't make it. My other act is " Going it alone" This seminar is teaching me that I need to look at all these things if I'm to ever begin to think of having another relationship with anyone. I keep mentally blocking myself by telling myself that this program is not about finding a new relationship. It's about having a deep conversation with my thoughts around the areas of sex and intimacy.

Engaging openly in a conversation with someone about sex and intimacy is challenging for most people. Same as money. I have finally caught up on all my bills and have been putting a few dollars in the bank in my savings to start a prudent reserve, as my friend calls it.. I will get a very small inheritance which will allow me to sell my gas guzzling SUV and buy a more economical vehicle, plus I am also planning on moving much closer to my work. That way I will save even more on gas money, Sex and money are both huge suggests. And if we refuse to talk about them with someone that we feel we can trust, we give those subject more power then imagined.

Once I started openly talking about how I felt my sex act was affecting me and my future, I felt a small opening of possibilities. As long as I keep my act a secret and don't talk about it, it has power over me by controlling my life. It keeps me stuck in never taking the risk of engaging in a conversation with men, Once I learn how to stand on my own with my act, it has no power. It destroys my joy. I think it was Plato who once said " An unexamined life is not worth living" What I believe he was referring to was, that if we don't take the time to look at the way we are thinking, and how it is affecting our lives, we miss out on the opportunity to deeply live.

I have felt most alive when I have discovered things about myself that I never knew existed in me. This seminar has thought me that I am human, first of all, and that I make mistakes. I was designed by default without my knowing from the very first breath I took. We all were. Our job is to reinvent ourselves on a level of love and compassion to help those who are open to the work. It's the toughest work I've ever done, but it has been the most rewarding.

Today I am grateful to the design I was given, so that I can look at it and decide , " Is it the design I an stuck with forever, or do I have a choice to change my design" My answer is always . As long as I"m breathing, I have the power to re invent a new and more inspiring design.

Your Sexy Money Trailblazer

Changing views

It has been an interesting week. I am now in the third session of my Landmark Sex and Intimacy seminar. It is shifting things in my life that I would have not imagined. From my landlady accusing me of having a sexual relationship because of the misinterpretation of the title of my seminar. This has caused me to look at my confrontational issues with people in authority that stem from my childhood years.

It is a real challenge for me to speak with people that I feel looks at me like I have less value in this world then they do. It's also disturbing to see people use tools to help them disguise their dark side by using tools in their lives to make people think they live in the light. I am seeing this with the landlady I live with

I cannot express the value I am  getting in this seminar . The insights I am seeing in myself regarding my perception and views on what I beleive is a true honest relationship that stems on integrity and honesty with another person is beyond measure. I have discovered my deep resignation towards ever being in another relationship. This holds me back from discovering my sexual feminine side that I have caged up for decades

I've also discovered some hope by sharing openly how I view men with my group call each week. We have three men in our group which was very intimidating to me. How am I going to be able to share openly with these men who are strangers and not feel judged. Well I was surprised to see how supportive they all were as I shared. They actually did understand why I would view men the way I do.

We cannot develop an emotional backbone with most men by pointing not providing a safe space for them to express their views on sex and intimacy. By sharing openly and listening unconditionally it allows them to see how why they have unfulling relationships with their patners . They say that sex is only 10 percent of a relationship. You could have great sex with each other and disagree on the other 90 percent of the relationship. If a relationship is build on the foundation of sex the integrity of the relatiinship will eventually desolve because there is no real room for growth.

So I am am hopeful that men are capable of having the courage to be brave and vulnerable in sharing intimately and having a deep conversation. This would be a huge shift on our planet.

Your Money Trailblazer

New Challenges Builds Growth

It has been too long since I last blogged. I apologize. I have been so busy with work and with my Landmark seminar. Plus new things that have surfaced since.

I am enjoying my seminar. It is shifting many new layers in my view on sex and intimacy. Since I have moved to my new place, just renting a room at this time, I am learning new things about the woman that I am renting from. 

Their are people in this world that try to prevent us from moving forward by playing this vital part in the system of my growth. Because I mentioned to her that I was in this siminar, I realize that might have been a mistake . Sometimes people react with their point of view on a topic that is not discussed openly because they might be in a different place in their lives and it will bring up some stuff for sure. 

I had asked my friend if she would be open to take her car and drive out to Banff so we could show my roommate before he heads back east. Well my intentions were good until my landlady found out that I had not invited her along. The sh_t hit the fan and she started accusing me of having sexual relations with my roommate. I was in disbelief as to how far she took the conversation. 

My life is my life. I don't believe I need to invite everybody into it. So what I saw in this process so far is that the anger that she felt had nothing to do with my not inviting her. She was angry before that and I just triggered something and I got the hit. 

When people react in this way, it's about them. They re-acted to what is happening in the moment because it triggered their stuff. It could have been that she felt left out, not fit in, rejected in some way. 

I strongly believe that this situation was divinely orchestrated to allow both of us to look at that part in ourselves that is screaming , " what's wrong with me? That I wasn't part of this adventure"

It will be interesting to see how this unfolds as I work on my issues around sex and intimacy. Her accusations have lead her to believe that " we" need to move in together as she doesn't rent out to couples. I'm feel disappointed by all of this. It seems that she is reflecting to me my trust issues are relationships. Something that I'm sure I will be looking at in my seminar.

This situation also challenges me with moy money situation since I'm finally almost caught up on everything. Moving would set me back again. Darn it!

Your Money Trailblazer

It's Blog-a -log time LOL Ya Think!

Boy is it a challenge to blog everyday. I have been very busy keeping up with my budget and trying to last till the following paycheck without going too far behind and needing to borrow any money from people. So far, I'm doing great.

I have one more $150 payment to get through with my credit card then that payment goes down to $75 until it is paid off. Wow. I also got some great news at work. My boss offered me a new position as a receptionist and I'm getting more hours, it's Monday to Friday and I get my weekends off.  I also do healing work and I got a new client to work with once a week which brings me an extra $50 a week.

Also I am starting my new seminar with Landmark this week on sex and intimacy. I am excited about learning what limiting beliefs I have around these topics. It will last ten weeks, three hours or more a week. The amount of coaching I get in these seminars is profound. So many insights into why I live the way I do and how I have total control to change it. That's the exciting part about it.

My next step is to work on saving some money. I did get some sad news last night, that my mom is in the hospital with kidney failure. And if she goes, it would set me back again if I have to fly down.
But I can't think of that right now.

I am so proud of myself for sticking with my daily budget book and taking the time to right down what it is that I spend my money on everyday. It takes me five minutes and just the act of doing this simple exercise begins to rebuild the muscle of integrity in system. By holding myself accountable for my actions, I make different choices that lead my life in a much more positive direction. There is hope.

Today I have to go up to my new job and get the key so I can open on Monday morning  I still have to work the late shift at my old job until he can find someone that want that shift. Then I will have my weekends off. I have about $60 left with my $50 session on Tuesday that will give me $110 till payday. I often wonder what the people of today are holding with no jobs. I am so grateful that I am working full time. But I also believe that I have  stuck to my intentions of staying focused and positive about getting my life back on track. And I think I'm doing a pretty darn good job, if I do say so myself.

No I'm not rolling in the dough yet, as some would say, but I do have the wealth of understanding that what I need to work on so that I can make life work for me. You have to start somewhere, and sometimes the best place to start is from the bottom. When your flat on your back, the only way is to look up. Life changes. Circumstances changes. There is always a way out of your suffering. This is what gives us the power to learn new things about life. Walking towards this freedom to prosperity is a daily task. When you hear people say, it's hard work, they are not talking physically, they are talking mentally, emotionally, it is hard work. Because you must change the way you do things if you what things to change. There is no other way. People who work hard for a living, is living hard at work.

So that's my speel for today, will try to get back on writing track.

Your Money Trailblazer

I'm on my way to Financial Freedom

Well it has been a few interesting days. I have two more paychecks to go through with getting my credit card up to date. I have recently learned that my credit card company has closed my account and have taken off the interest that I need to pay. If I miss a payment, my account goes to the credit bureau and I will have an R9 record. I am planning to pay this off so that I don't get this rating on my credit score.

When I have the last two $150 paid up to get me up to date with my payments, I will only have to pay $75 per month as payment. I have another prepaid credit card that can hold up to ten thousand dollars, so my plan is to keep doing the $150 per month but split it in two and pay one on each credit card. This way I an paying off my credit card and saving money on my other credit card. I am looking forward to this day. Sept 1 will be the last payment on what I owe. My boss also told me yesterday that he is changing our pay structure to instead of being paid on the first and the fifteenth. We will be paid direct deposit and paid every two weeks. I like this pay structure better.

When we get paid direct deposit, that means I will have at least an extra $50 a month to play with instead of paying Money Mart to cash my checks. I can buy gift cards at my workplace and keep them as a contingency fund when I need money for something. It has been such a long time since I have felt this good about where I'm at in my finances. The job is working out great so far. I'm not making a tin of money , but it is paying my bills, and that is important to me. When I owe people money, I don't have a good feeling inside.

I found a great place to walk the other day to get my mind off things, like living in the city. I such a country girl. I sat by the water for two hours and it felt so close to being at home. I miss seeing my family and they miss seeing me. I just haven't had the chance to get my finances together enough to go home for a visit. It's been almost 7 years. I have to save around a thousand dollars just to cover my bills, and then I have the cost of the flight that my mom said she would pay. Living with them for five days would be enough to handle. Plus I would need a car to get away when I need to.

So today I have sixty dollars left till Monday when we get paid. I have to pay my cel phone bill $106, my credit card $150 and my rent $450 plus I owe money to Noor still but I'm only sending her what I can. I also might have a healing session with my old landlady so that means I can make $60 there, And I was suppose to get a call for two house cleaning of $50 each which I haven't heard of yet.

I wish I could get my business going too. That would bring in a few dollars each month. If your interested in starting a great part-time business, you can look at my website. It is really taking off and it's a great way to make extra money. You can also order product without joining the business if you'd just like to try it or sell to your friends and family. www.aseachar.teamasea.com is my website


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M

Counting the days

I am counting the days till next payday. I went to my bank and found out that it didn't cost me nearly as much as I thought it would. So I have to be careful where I spend my money still, because I'm getting a bit less hours this week at work then last week. Instead of going into work on a few days a 10 am , I only go in at 11 am. A few hours makes a difference. But I have something to look forward to this October. The minimum wage is going from eleven dollars an hour to twelve dollars. So I will get a fifty cent raise for sure. But a dollar would be nice.

Money. It is such a huge stress in our daily lives. I see people at work spend so much money on lottery tickets, it almost makes me sick. People wasting money like that just to hope they win something. I buy tickets too, but I spend maybe five dollars when the jackpot is really big. Even if I won a couple of thousand would change my life. I don't waste all my paycheck on one lottery.

How do you stay motivated around wnating to save money? I feel like the harder I try not to spend..the more I want to stay home and do nothing cause the monute I go out...I have to look at spending money on something.

What if I chose not to spend any money today? I wish I had some support of somekind to guide me and encourage me to keep going forward. I just wonder sometimes if it's worth the effort of saving your money at all.


I keep adding meaning to money. Why do I do that? I attach meaning to money when I believe that I get value out of money for something that is significant on my life. And when I do this..it creates inner tension because I can't relax when I think about money. I live in constant fear of not having enough. So it's the fear that drives money away. Need to tap on this more.


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Getting out of the Payday rat race

My goal is to get out of this payday to payday rat race. Today I get paid for 86 hours at $11.50 an hour. I have to pay my vehicle insurance, $180, my credit card $75, Money Mart $150, my co-worker $100, probably an overdraft on my bank account $40, Money mart for cashing my check $35 that totals to $580. Assuming my check is $850 that leaves me $270 I still owe on my cel phone and a friend that I borrowed $200 from this spring that I have not been able to pay.

So this is the amount I have left for till August 15. So I will put $50 on my cel phone and $20 to my friend. This way everybody gets money. Perhaps I can even buy some yarn to keep me busy till next payday. I'm waiting for my co-worker to call me to tell me that I can go pick up my check. I have maybe two dollars in my purse left.

So I didn't get my check and now I'm looking at paying late fees to my bank because my vehicle insurance come out on the third. I had changed the date specifically on the third because I knew that I was paid on the first. But my boss took off for the long weekend and I find out that the hours were just send to the accountant today. I have ten cents to my name. It is time I figure out how to get out of this mess. I had a chat last night with a friend and he said to me that money causes more stress then it's worth. I felt defeated and discouraged. Here I am working 8 hours a day with no breaks for $11,50 an hour, just to give all my money to other people. Because I only have enough left over for food and gas to keep me going till next payday.

I think about saving five dollars every paycheck again and I know it adds up eventually. If I manage the money I have, I'll have more money to manage. It just seems like a pattern keeps repeating itself. As soon as I get ahead a bit, I get a set back. I have to pay late fees that I had not planned on paying if my paycheck had been on time. I am paying a NSF charge with Money Mart because when I borrowed the money on the 26, they had to get the payment on the 29 because Aug 1 was on monday which happened to fall on the holiday. so now I have to pay them $147 plus $25 for late fees, plus the overdraft charge at the bank on that payment that didn't go through plus the late charge for my insurance not going through which is another $25 plus the bank charge overdraft which is probably $45. And probably another overdraft charge on the Money Mart check that didn't go through.

It's no wonder people commit suicide. LOL How can people pick themselves up when they feel it is hopeless to even try. But I'm not like that, I am stepping up the plate, and have looked at readjusting my budget again, for the fourth time to see if I can make this work. I don't give up easily, that for sure. I believe that there is always a way. So I'll have to stay home for the next two weeks again, oh well. It could be worse. I'll buy a ball of yarn a crochet myself something. I can visit the park that is only a mile away to get away from the stress I feel. It could be worse. Finally get paid today.


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Pay Day finally

Well I have made it to my next payday...I was trying to not stress myself too much and it wasn't easy. Yesterday, I realized that I had to take out $100 from my rent money to pay for my vehicle plates which were due July 31. I also was hoping that I would be paid August 1 so that I could replace the money I took for my rent, in time to pay my landlady. If I didn't get my plates, I would be risking driving without a registered vehicle and taking a risk not to get involved in an accident. That was not worth taking a risk for $100.

I decided to take the chance that my landlady would be understanding. This was the last financial hurdle to complete. So I went ahead and paid for my plates. Then at work, I was talking to my co-worker about what I had to juggle my money around, and he offered to lend me $100 till Monday. I said yes to the loan. So that is covered and I don't have to worry about explaining to my landlady about my situation.

I did have to go to Money Mart to borrow a $120 loan until payday cause I was temporary out of cash. As I was reviewing my contact, it shows that I'm to repay the loan on July 29. I remember telling her that I was paid on August 1. Assuming she had heard me correctly, I didn't pay attention to the due date on my contract and it does say July 29. So today I have to go back to this place, and see what she says about this. I'm not willing to pay for two days interests what I told her that I was coming in to may on August 1. If this is the game they play with people, it will be the last time I deal with them for sure.

So I have to see how this turns out and I will go and visit them on my way to Staples to print out my songs that I wrote for our practice today. I am excited for this month as I begin a 10 week seminar on Sex and Intimacy with Landmark. It will be interesting to see what will come up this time around. Taking the course with no partner might be better because I think I will be more open with myself then if I had someone in my life. So that's all for today.



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LOL How times have changed

Well what a turn of events at work. So far I have managed to start getting caught up on my credit card. Then yesterday my boss at work asked me if I would be interested in a job offer that would pay more and have more hours as a receptionist. LOL well ya!!!. Where in the world do you find a boss that helps you to find better working conditions for their employees? That is almost unheard of. He said he would let me know in a couple of weeks.

 

I am loving keeping track on how I am handling my money and managing to pay money to everyone that I need to pay. I am getting ahead. It feels really good to have a handle on my money finally. I’m still on the bottom of the hill, but I’m climbing it one step at a time. I have also been working on staying home a lot for the past two weeks. This has been a challenge since I miss going to my favorite places. It has been interesting how I have been feeling restricted because of my money issues. But by doing what I needed to do, to get where I wanted to be, I am seeing how it is turning out for the best.

 

I was going to be short about $30 for my rent, and I didn’t want to ask my co-workers or my boss for a loan so I gave in and went to a Cash Store. I borrowed $120 which will cost me $30 so I have to pay back $150. All I needed was $50 to carry me over to my next paycheck. So I put $30 with my rent money, I put $70 in an envelop to repay the Cash Store. I will take $80 off my paycheck to complete the payment. Then if I ever need money in the future, I can count on them to lend me the money if I need it. I’m hoping I won’t. But when you have a good record with them it’s a great way to get money whenever you do need some.

 

Once I get caught up on my credit card, I won’t have to worry about borrowing money from the Cash Store. Oh ya I forgot, I have decided to start buying gift cards from the gas station where I work now to use for gas only. This way I can’t use it other then where I work. Also I plan to buy gift cards for myself so when I want to splurge on something, it won’t come out of my allowance. I can buy a $25 Mastercard gift card each paycheck. It adds up after awhile and they are good for a couple of years.

By doing this it creates a small sense of security and a use for where and what I can do with the money I earn.




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Shift in Energy around Trust

It has been an interesting few days. I have been tracking my spending like a hawk. Every time I spend money I mark it down. It is a must for me to do if I am to get out of this credit card debt. $4000 away from being debt free is very inspiring to me. I can only imagine what I will do with the money I save when I get to this point.

All I have to live on this week is $26 dollars. I will have to use some of this money to get some gas so I can get to work. I also can borrow money from my co workers who have offered to help me out till next paycheck, but I will wait as close as possible because that cuts into my allowance for my next paycheck. I thought I was going to work tomorrow but someone else took that shift.

Am I depriving myself or disciplining myself? I have to teach myself to be in charge of my life. I have to look at the past mistakes that I've made and see what I can to do change what didn't work. Maybe the reason I have under earning jobs is because I can't be trusted to be in charge of anything because they judge me how I take care of myself. Maybe on some level have not learned how to trust myself fully. Perhaps I tell myself on a deeper level, I can't be trusted with money.

Perhaps it's a part of me that doesn't trust myself with money. That's still this underlying belief that keeps coming up. I don't trust myself with money? Is that true? As I sit here pondering deeply about if this is a yes or is this a no answer, it feels like it has to do with wanting to take care of myself financially. Do I have a desire to care for myself financially at all? is the question, I don't trust myself with money an excuse or a belief? It would seem that if I have to write down all my spending, am I confirming to myself that I don't trust myself enough that I have to make sure I be held accountable for all the money I spend?

I don't trust myself with money, is that true? Yes it is true.
Am I absolutely sure that I don't trust myself with money? No that is not true.
How do I feel when I think the thought, I don't trust myself with money.
I feel anxious, fearful, unprotected, rejected.
Who would I be if I didn't think the thought , I don't trust myself with money
I'd be confident in how I manage my life around money.
I'd believe in my strengths more
I'd trust in myself more with money
I would have more passion for life
I'd have more faith in myself


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Day off

Well today I can relax and enjoy my day off. I have no plans to go anywhere or do anything in particular. I put ten dollars in gas yesterday from my $4.60 per day budget which means that I can't spend any money today. I don't need anything really. I have food in my fridge that will last me till the end of this week. I need one thing in a couple of days that will cost me about $12. which I will buy on Friday.  That should leave me with about $38.00 till my paycheck on August 1. If I do need money , I can always get an advance from work to hold me over till I get paid.

I have worked out my budget for each paycheck till August 15 and I'm excited to see what progress I have been doing. My next pay will be a lot better for me. I will have more money on my allowance and will have the second credit card payment money to pay on the 15 of August. This is great. It means that I will soon be able to start making my regular monthly payments and get this debt off my back. Once I pay this off, I will be debt free.

It will take me probably about a year to get it paid. But then I will have my credit card limit available to me again. I can invest that money into things that will benefit me. Writing down each day what I spend is working. It helps me to stay focused on not over spending. It teaches me to value the money I have. When you manage the money you have, you'll have more money to manage.

By working on how I see my money and looking at different way to manage it, expands my view on money and how it works in my life. If I had not started this process, I would not have wanted to connect to my credit card company to work things out, which would have led my account to an R9 rating on my credit report which I prefer not to have. I want to reestablish a good credit because I would like to get a newer car someday.

I'm also thinking that I will be investing my time and money on studying more about the Art of Feng Shui. I have been interested in this for about a year now and I have been chatting with a woman in Facebook that teaches you how to prosper in your business. I have to get going towards my dream, no matter what the cost. 

That's good for now

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Quick blog

Well update on my money trail. I have had to bite the bullet on avoiding my credit card company. I called them to see how I can make an arrangement with them so that I can get my credit card up to date. They told me that I would have to pay $150 for the next three months. OUCH!! That hurt more then I was expecting.

So I decided to go for it. I knew it was going to be a challenge for me for the next two weeks until I get my next pay check. But I have to trust that I can do it. After these two weeks, I will be caught up on all my bills and will be able to start a saving program.

I had 80 hours on my pay this week. Also remember my truck broke down, which cost me $240 to fix. So I cleared $804. I had to go to Money Mart to cash my check because I haven't been able to leave my check in my bank, due to the fact I need the money right away. So I end up paying $30 to Money Mart. My rent is due on August 1, $450.00, $240 to my nephew for fixing my truck and $150 to my credit card company. I had $200 left over from last paycheck which I was saving for my rent money. So after some food and gas for my truck, I have as of today,  $60 to last me till August 1 paycheck. I have to laugh at myself for getting myself into this position. It's my own damn fault.

I calculated how much I can spend a day and it comes to $4.00. If I don't spend that $4.00 today, tomorrow I'll have $8.00. I'm going to need my allergy pills in a few days so I'll save for that first. I still have close to half a tank of gas in my truck. Thank God I don't have to travel far to work.
So it's going to be an interesting 13 days.


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Put your Rain Coat on

" Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it" Rumi


I truly believe this. I really think that if we all loved ourselves fully, we would not need to seek to find love in our lives from others. I must be in love with finding ways to better manage my money, because it's all I focus on. If I get invited to go out somewhere, the first thing I think about is , how much money do I have and can I swing it. I'd like to start my own healing money group with people who can relate to this topic without getting involved in a 12 step program. They don't work for me. They are too limited to what you can share int he groups. You can't share what works for you unless it has to do with the program. That seems a bit controlled to me. And you have limited time to share also, so then you can't share all the things you'd like to say. It's not for me.

I prefer to keep learning how to choose the path to least resistance.  We resist things all the time. The other day, three young people stormed into out store because it was poring rain outside. Not one of them had a raincoat. They preferred to get soaking wet then have to comfort of being dry. There is a huge mount of resistance in this . They saw the rain when they left the house, but still chose to walk out in it. They resisted to make a better feeling choice. Did they not think that the rain would get their clothes wet? Common sense to me says that water does soak in clothing.

So what is it about resisting the better things for ourselves? If they would have chosen the path to least resistance, they would have chosen to put a water proof garment on themselves, because they cared enough about their well being to take the action needed. Why is that so difficult for them to grasp? It's probably because they don't care about themselves. They didn't care if they got wet and damp and cold. It's almost like they anticipated the joy of complaining about it later to others.

My truck was in the shop that day, and I was going to take the bus home, but when I saw how unpredictable the weather was and I knew I would have to walk a fair amount without protection, I had decided to spend the money on a cab. But that didn't happen. My boss offered to drive me home. When you are connected to your higher intelligence, you understand that the weather is a great teacher. I teaches to those that are open to learning about themselves. The rain is a signal that if you don't take care of yourself, you will get wet. No question about that.

Loving yourself is work. Appreciating that you have a choice to get the things you need in life that supports you, if a gift. You feel better when you have your coat on, then when you have your coat on. That is the path of least resistance.  You don't have much money in your checking account and your going some place and your spending it all. That's not the path of least resistance. Don't write the check, don't hand them the credit card.

Tracking Inner Importance

Early morning to work today, I had to be there for 6am to open. There was no time for me to blog so I had to wait till this evening. It was a good day today because I got an inspiration to find a better way to do my envelops that will keep me on track with my money. I'm using the same envelop system that they are using at work. Once I can get the money rolling again.

I really have to keep track on how I spend my cash. If I don't , I fall right back into the old patterns of not caring for myself. I'm sure people with lots of money manage money differently, who know how that works. I wish I knew what it was like to have enough money to care for my bills and myself for a few years, just to build myself esteem a little higher then it is now. Low self esteem sure plays a big role around taking better care of yourself. It's about feeling important enough to want to do the work needed to take better care of my needs.

I choose to remember that I'm important. But can I remember that I'm important when I'm not sure that I've never known that? My importance doesn't come from other people paying attention to me. I think that I've learned very early on that people pay attention to important people, so when I'm not getting any attention, that must mean that I'm not important.  There's a lot of pain that come with feeling like you are being ignored and unheard. And also the pain of feeling that I'm not important, because that's not true.

I think the more I keep my focus on doing what I'm doing with my money, the more important I will feel about myself which then would lead to more self confidence and self worth. If I can detach from the concept of struggling to earn a living and change it to allowing myself to earn a living instead, it feels more at ease and less demanding on myself. It's about changing the way I see things. I allow myself to earn a living as appose to I'm working hard to make a living. I allow myself to earn a living has flow to it. That brings up a piece of importance in myself. I am smart enough to recognize the importance in myself for seeing that I can change the way I view how I earn money. That would also connect to my self esteem.

It all boils down to how you view thing in life. When I can catch myself emotionally, and change my point of view on my life, it moves me into a different direction. It shifts my perspective to allow a new opportunity to emerge. Because there is a new opening on how I see things. That's called change.
I'm always in awe at how I start my blog and end up on such an opposite topic which is neither good nor bad. It just is. Not having any fears arounf what comes up and just letting the words come is very freeing.

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Dent in My Budget

I need to write a song, There's a dent in my budget  dear Liza Dear Liza . lol...the day yesterday was interesting. I got ready for work and got in my vehicle, turned the key and nothing happened. Great, I thought, this is exactly what I need right now. A dent in my budget. I turned the key another time and it started. Phew I thought. So I drove off to work. Stopped at a drug store across from where I work and got in my vehicle, turned the key and nothing. Crap lol, this is not happening. I must be dreaming. I crossed my fingers and tried it again, nothing, again , nothing, again nothing. OK

So I walked over to my workplace. I later returned to try it again. Nothing. God, what perfect timing. I was just starting to get ahead a bit financially. Not a lot, but there was some hope of gaining some money ahead. This is just a dent in my budget for now, I keep telling myself. Thankfully, I have enough to cover my rent. Then this morning I remembered that my plates on my vehicle are due this month. Dent number two LOL. OMG.

I had to sit with this this morning and recreate my July budget. So that means, the only enjoyment in my life to the next few months will have the be free. So lots of nature walks which I love to do anyway. And to really splurge on myself I can do a cheap movie for $5.00. That will be my way of celebrating staying on my budget. It sure takes a lot of discipline to do this money walk. But the more I stay on top of it, the better I get at it.

It is very challenging to imagine a life without having to worry about where is the money going to come from. Staying grateful that I have a job and a nephew that is a mechanic gives me a great deal for working on my truck really helps. So I'm just going to continue to hope that things will improve as I go along with life's dents. Dents can be fixed. Staying focused is the best thing I can do right now.

Surrendering to the process that is happening is not easy. There's a pony in here somewhere. If I am resisting to surrender, I probably am trying to control the process of my life. If I was in control, I would not have allowed my starter on my truck to stop working. There are things in life that remind me that I'm not in charge. So I'm looking at the symbolic meaning of my starter and my old starter in life has died and my new starter in life has begun. There's a whole lot of trust issues around surrendering.

When I surrender to the money I have to give out to fix my truck and allow what needs to happen ...happen, I will be in a state of allowing my life to flow with what shows up. Letting go of the outcome. Letting go of controlling my money when I have to use it for some needs that need to be met, like fixing my truck. Whenever something is happening in my life, it is a sign that things are working out for me on a level that I may not be seeing at the moment. So I have to trust that I will have enough money to survive and everything is working out for me. What a concept.


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Jumping into Opportunites

Are we resisting the opportunity to change our lives? All these fears of opportunities. Part of me says I really want it. Part of me says I really need it. It cn be painful and scary that it's not showing up in my life  yet. It's the feeling that there is something wrong here that shows up. I continue to wor on accepting what is happening in my life today. so that I can become open to what is really best for me.

I continue to believe the idea that really good opportunities are available to me. There is a place for me. I have great value to offer. And there are opportunities out there for me to share that value. I could be doing it right now, with this blog. I don't know what you all think of me doing this blog. I'm guessing by the stats that you are interested in what I have to say. So that must mean I have some value in your life because you take time to read it. So thank you for that.

I still seem to run on some old programming that says maybe I'm not ready, or that maybe it's not safe. Maybe it will cost too much. These are just lies and misunderstandings that I have learned in my childhood. It upsets me when I think of all the programs I was given that doen't support my well being in life. It has cost me my joy of living life to the fullest because I have listened to too many people telling me what was the right and wrong thing to do.

Some advice was good, but most of it was not what I was craving in life. I was craving adventure and entertaining people since I was a kid. And that excitement for life seemed to diminish at a very early age. I was constantly criticized as a child , like most of us were, and I notice still today I get defensive when I am criticized for something I do or say still . Yesterday, my landlady noticed I had a pitcher with a filter full of water on the counter. She pointed out that that was not safe water to drink, because it is sitting in plastic all day.

She explained how the chlorine is not killing the chemicals blah blah blah. I've heard it all before , how plastic is not good for us. So instead os telling her that I was aware of the dangers and taking herbs to eliminate the side affects, I dumped the water, agreed with her speech and say, " as long as your happy" That does not come from a place of power. It came from a place of pleasing other people first. So that could be the reason I dismiss opportunities that show up in my life. Because I deeply believe people don't listen to me anyway, so why bother. I have to work on this one, seriously

Just because I don't have a bachelors degree in something, doesn't mean I don't bring value to peoples lives. We judge people so harshly sometimes. We see kids with no degrees at all and they complete extraordinary things in the world. The see the opportunity and the junp for it, and don't let anything get in their way. We need to become more like that.


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Being Willing to Fail

I was thought to avoid failure. At all cost. I was told to succeed in life and that was meant as the main goal in life. This is an attitude that has cost me a lot. Fear is attached to failure. When I allow fear of failure to take charge in my life, I miss our on taking risk on all kinds of opportunities. The problem then becomes a fear of taking risks in life, because you fear to fail.

It's a safety switch that comes on inside myself. I have a need to feel safe in life. If I risk going beyond my limits, I will find myself in places that I might not be able to handle. Isn't that is limited way of living? It's the "don't try anything you can't win at" attitude. " Don't attempt to try doing something you can't do perfectly the first time" Wow , I see a lot of people today that they try so hard to keep up with doing things perfectly which is run my fear of not looking good in the eyes of others. I wonder is they were raised by someone that were always putting them down and as a kid we then to want to please our parents , not matter what the cost.

As a kid we don't know the difference between what is right and what is wrong. So we do our best to find ways to get it right. Then we learn that failure is not an option in life because we will get punished in some way for doing it wrong the first time. We have learned this method through so many generations and I feel it has ruined many children from living the life they dream about as a kid. I can relate to that.

As ironically as it sounds, failure leads to success. I bet you that you can go to any successful person and ask them if they have experienced failure on their way to success and the majority will agree that they have experienced great failures, which has led them to great success in their lives. They succeeded because they were willing to fail. You see we are not perfect, by far. We are human beings, doing life the best that we can with the knowledge that we learn. When you know better , you do better.

Avoiding failure means that I'm avoiding feedback in life. We often like to stay in our comfort zones. We can learn lessons through successes, but we can learn more lessons through failures. Failures gives us the feedback through the hard mistakes we've made.This gives us the opportunity to look at the mistake and use our problem solving skills to turn the mistakes into meaningful life tools. Because we don't tend to make the same mistake twice if we have learned our lesson the first time.All of the successes I've had have come from the feedback I've been given, which may have been labled as failures. The people who taught me to avoid failure, probably missed out on a lot of success
I cannot be around people who need to be around positive people all the time. This tells me that they refuse to allow themselves to see the mistakes they make in their lives. If they constantly end up bashing anything you say or do, that's not being a positive person at all To me this is being inferior.
There are a lot of people out in the world who read books about how to do the techniques and then charge a lot of money for their services when in fact they have not done any inner work at all but pretend they have. I can spot them really fast. They want to be something their not. Ok I went off topic, oh well, my lesson here is to stay more focused on what I blog about , perhaps.  The rabbit trail has many openings.


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Loving the Fearful ME

I just did some tapping on my fears. And I know it goes a long way back in my family history. Most people back then lived in constant fear and worry. They had to make their own food to survive. They had to build their own businesses to make ends meet. Is it any wonder that some of us are still living in the same patterns of ancient times? We live in fear of ourselves and we don't know how to get out of the way of fear.

It still runs in the minds of many people today. There is fear all around us, on TV, in the news, on newspapers. People are addicted to their own fears. It 's a mental health condition. It's a disease of the mind. It was created many years ago and no one has come up with a pill to fix the problem. The drugs we use on mental health issues works opposite to what it needs to be doing. Mental education on what is happening in the brain with all these beliefs that we created long long ago, are still reeking havoc in our daily lives.

Some people get really fearful and then the anger sets in because they are so fearful they don't know what else to do but get angry. Then they lose control of their own thoughts and do something they regret later, because for a split second, they became unconscious in the world they live in. Shame is also attached to the fearfulness.

When we don't discuss our fears in life with others, they become illnesses. Illnesses are manifested in many ways. If fear is out of control in our lives, we become desperate and dangerous. The adrenaline
attaches to the fear response and we will do whatever we can to get whatever we think we need. Addicts are a great example of this mental illness disorder. They have built a brain system that when needed,  fires up in a matter of seconds. Automatically, without them even thinking how to do it. They have programmed it so well that it works for them without their consent. The brain is so smart that it knows what to do and will listen to the orders it is given , even if the orders does not support the person at tow.

What to do? When you have a mechanism in the brain that is programmed to always look for trouble, and you are unaware that this is not a good thing, it seems like a losing battle. A brain battle. There is a part of you that knows that what you are doing is not right, but still the brain says yes , and you do it anyway. What a chaotic way of life to live. What a waste of time with a wonderful brain that can do marvellous things for you and your life. You have more power over your brain than it has over you once you decide to take charge and action in changing the way you see and do things. Life is not meant to be lived in fear and shame. It is meant to be lived in love and joy.


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Money Monday

There's a part in Gail's book that I love to read often when she reminds me that I cannot save $10000 until I save $1000. And I cannot save $1000 until I save $100.And I cannot save $100 until I save $10. This approach seems a lot more achievable when I think of it this way. I don't know why I've been so interested in managing my money in the past 5 years. Perhaps it's because I see so much money being wasted in other people's lives and it makes me aware of my money.

I have a reminder on a piece of paper that I wrote down that says," A part of all I earn is mine to keep" That motivates me to keep finding ways towards my goals. I can't give up on my dream. It seems out of reach right now, but I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring. Today I have decided that I will take ten dollars with me and try not to spend it all. That's all I'm allowing myself to carry. I started this job on May 11 and my boss never told me that they were going to send me a check for my first pay. Which I'm still waiting for. I finally get a two weeks paycheck this Friday. I owe $320 between two people. I borrowed money from them buy food, gas and fix my truck to keep me going. Thank God for friends.

Sometimes I wish I didn't have to struggle so much around money issues. I watch people spend money like it was leaves blowing in the wind and I think to myself, " If they can do it , why can't I do it too" But my story with money is different. I have to remind myself that they could be in a lot of credit card debt. I was debt free a year ago too. I now owe $4000 in debt on my credit card of course. It's not a lot, but it still hangs on my mind. It have placed my card in a sealed envelop and have written on the envelop in big letters " I NEED AN EMERGENCY FUND FIRST, AN EMERGENCY FUND IS MORE IMPORTANT THEN WHATEVER YOU WANT TO BUY. DO YOU REALLY NEED THIS? " And I leave it in a drawer at home.

See the credit card company gave me a $1000 limit when I first got the card. Then after a year , they decided to give me a $4000 limit. Which I took because I was at my limit and I really needed the money. So now I am focusing on paying it in full. but also working on my emergency fund at the same time. This way if something happens, I might have enough funds in my emergency fund to cover the cost. Hopefully nothing happens.

Maybe I have to go through this money trail story myself because I know alot of people can relate to all of it. My goal is to start saving some, not all, but some of my money in gold with my side business which I might go more into detail later. There are not many people that understand the true value of owning gold at the moment, but they will. And the great thing is that it is affordable for me to buy. 

I do make a few extra dollars here and there with old jobs, so I have to start taking that money and put it to good use instead of spending it on stuff. I can "go to town" when it comes to buying thing to plant in my garden. I haven't bought anything this year, yet. I only used what I had last year and have planted a few things that I will be able to eat. Every bit helps. So it is best for me to stay focused and remember that my strengths are determination, perseverance, loyalty and courage,

Have to get ready for work

Tilling the Money Trail

Keep your chin up

I have been working more hours lately, which helps me a lot in my finances, but I'm still not out of the woods yet. My credit card company wants me to come up with $222.00 by July 23 to bring me up to speed with my financial recovery program that they offered me to help me to get caught up. It would be great if I had the money to give them, but my rent and food comes first. Then they want me to give them another $222 by August to cover the remaining payment.

It feels unreasonable to me that I have to give them that amount of money. I'm not strong enough to hold two jobs. So they will have to come up with a better plan for me that will work for each of us. I am still recording my daily expenses so I can track where I'm spending my money and so far it is working. The other day I broke down because I feel so embarrassed about what I do for a living. I don't want to tell people I'm a cashier. With all the courses I have taken and the skills I have developed in my life so far, it doesn't seem right to me that I have to work so hard for so little money.

It feels like I'm starting from scratch again. Renting a room, working for less then minimum wage. Working on finding ways to make my life work for me. I had to make a decision to spend less time with a friend I hang out with. She dismisses everything I say or do with my life even my financial inspiration. I find that I end up not feeling good about myself because she puts me down a lot. I also see her do it to other people. And she wonders why no one has time to hang out with her. The ones that do probably just tolerate her behavior. 

It's a bad habit and bad habits are hard to break. Sometimes I feel like I'm just a project to her for her to fix. I'm not sure how I will tell her what I found out about myself through her, because if I do, she will just dismiss that as well. I am feeling better since I have not hung out with her this week. I won't keep making excuses so that I can avoid being around her. I am thinking of making her an offer and let her know that if she prefers to stay the way she is and keep treating me the way she does and not have me around as much,  I can live with that. Or I could give her the option that I will hang out with her once every 10 days for one hour. That seems reasonable enough. I can always use my financial situation as a way out of doing things with her because I've put myself on a really tight budget for awhile. I know she doesn't like that because she believes differently and that is fine. I still have to take care of me.

And that is what I am still learning to do. I don't hate my job, but it's definitely not my dream job. I get to interact with a lot of customers in a day. I am managing my money better today then I was yesterday. It's just a matter of consistency.


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Moving into Prosperity

Well I finally am settled into my new room. It was a four hour move, I had more stuff then I anticipated and the room I'm renting is smaller then I imagined it. So I had to declutter and give some items away. This was a good thing because clutter in the room is clutter in the mind. I am loving my new roommates and landlady. We are going to get along just fine. Still getting use to the new area, it's been along time since I moved.

I knew in my heart that I would find the perfect place if I gave myself the time I needed. It worked out better then I could imagine. I feel like I have a new lease on my life. I'm finally out of a basement room which I have been for the past 10 years. It feels great to wake up in the morning and be able to look outside into the world. The small things people take for granted. 

My boss was suppose to give me my paycheck on Friday and is accountant happen to forget my pay. So that means I have to wait till Monday to get mine. I was not impressed with this as I had to ask him for a cash advance because I am temporary out of cash at the moment because the moving cost me a bit of money. So I have enough gas to get to work on Monday and that about it.

It is definitely not a good feeling not having a few dollars. My budgeting is still on track. I have my envelops all set up. I just need to work on getting some money ahead. I plan to take out $250 each paycheck for my rent which is $450 a month. The little extra I will use to get one months rent ahead. Then I have my truck insurance which is $135 a month plus property insurance which is $20. My cellular phone is a bit behind, I owe $220 to get it up to date. Then my biggest one is my one and only credit card that I have to get ahead on.

I also have to keep in mind that I will have to pay to get my mail and driver's license address changed
and all the other addresses that I have online and beyond. That's a big task. I can only do it in time.
This week I have to go give a relaxation treatment to my friend, and go to my sacred place to give thanks for my blessings of my new home. That's all for now

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Moving towards my Greatness

I'm the process of moving today. As I have been changing my beliefs around money, so had my life been changing. I am moving to a community that has a live in a higher tax bracket that I would have not normally looked at. But I am learning that this is part of my healing with my deserving issues. So I am very excited to get moving forward. Here is a piece that I love to read often to remind me of what  I need to do to keep my focus on managing my money Enjoy.

In this book I'm reading, it says in this archtype," That Victims generally have a litany of excuses for why they are not more successful, and their excuses are all bases on their historical mythology. For the Victim Archtype to shift, they must learn to understand and heal their past wounds."

So I was awake at 3am this morning, not feeling too good about myself and my financial situation I'm in. And I knew that there was a deeper process happening that I couldn't seen to connect with. So I decided to do my restorative yoga in my pyramid while meditating on the thoughts I was having.

I laid still for some time and this thought came to me," I don't feel safe in the world" Humm OK , I can understand where that came from and also could relate to how it would block me from becoming successful in life. I feel safe in my cocoon, alone in my room, where no one sees me. I look out my window and see the blue sky, and I know it's going to be a very hot day today. I have to go to my new job which I'm not very happy with, but have no other choice at the moment. The pay I'm getting will hardly cover my rent at the end of this month. I may have to do something else.

The next thought I had laying still was " I'm always going to struggle through life." These two thoughts block me from ever becoming successful in anything I aim to do in life. So how to I shift these limiting beliefs. I can turn them around so instead of , I don't feel safe in the world, I could say, I feel safe in the world, but it doesn't fee true to me at my core. So I have to find a way or a place where I can feel safe in the world. That probably would be in nature. I don't know why that came up but I feel I have to try that. Oh I just got one for this statement, the world is safer than I think.

The other thought is , I'm always going to struggle through life. Is that true? I'm not sure that this statement is in fact true because I don't know what tomorrow will bring. So the reverse of this statement must be, life is easier then I thought, or think. Which one is it? Easier then I thought, put me in the past, easier then I think puts me in the present. So I have to go with , life is easier then I think. That thought would have come from the years of mental conditioning from my parents repeatedly telling me that life is hard and tough.

I will place these two statement where I can read them often each day until I shift those negative thought patterns and see if something else is attached to those statements.

Moving into my greatness

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Hopeful Money Habits

In order to succeed financially , I am loving tracking my income and expenses because it validates my success, even though they might be minor at this moment. Taking baby steps towards my goal, is a step in the right direction. One reason I am doing this is to help me shift the way I feel about money.

There are things that you know about your money problems, like the fact that you don't have money. You know that you don't have money. Then there are things that you know that you don't know about your money, like you don't know how your going to pay the next bill that comes up. But there are things that you don't know that you don't know about your money. Those things are the thoughts that you think about your money on a daily bases at a deeper subconscious level. Like the patterns and limited beliefs that block you from creating more money in your life.

We want relief around money issues. We want to be able to breathe without worrying about bills. Staying in the feeling of hopefulness can help you focus on the goal with money that you want to reach for yourself. If anger with money stays in your vibration, money has little chance to stay in your life. This little piece of paper that we generate immense power over, will continue to hold us in immunity of striving for our greatness.

My job is to train myself to start a new hopeful story about my relationship with money. This new story will bring power to the way I share my story with others and will also bring power to the energy of my disciplined habits around money. Become quietly hopeful. There is no point sharing your hopefulness with others when you have not yet built the spark of hopefulness inside yourself first. Once that spark shines bright enough, people will begin to notice that there is something about you that radiates hopefulness. And then you can share your story around money.

Getting rid of your excuses is your first step towards getting a new hopeful story around money. It must come from action. Talking about doing something about your current situation will never amount to freedom with money. What I found is that there is an advantage in struggle. That there is an advantage in sacrifice. There is also an advantage in drama. There is advantage in entertaining drama. and because I believe that there is an advantage in the struggle, that's my default place. That's where I go to. Hang in this for a moment. Because at every opportunity that I experience struggling or sacrifice, there was a moment that I turned the situation around. I would not have had this opportunity and lesson if I had not gone to this lower place in my life. That is a gift. Not a lot of people realize this, and that is why I believe that we have so many gifts that we have yet to uncover once we find the courage to uncover them and start creating our life purpose.

There must be something in it for you to want to stay in the energy of struggle. What do I need to do in order to find relief in the circumstances I'm in at this moment? Did you have to defend yourself in a strong way when you were younger perhaps? "Drama is deliberately or indeliberately, purposely or by default, choosing a vibration that is not in alignment with the way the Universe sees it. and holding myself there until it gets bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger. Drama is trying to fix things through action rather then at the early stages....through vibrational shifting."


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Worthiness builds Trust

When I'm not in alignment with my vision on managing my money well, I'm not feeling the vibration of worthiness in myself. It has been a long time working on finding how to feel the feeling of worthiness within me. When you don't know how it truly feels, how can you focus on manifesting more of it. It can be as simple as sitting by the river for me. I feel good when I sit there just admiring the flow of the river, it feels good to me, so therefore, I feel the worthiness of the moment of appreciating the beauty and the peacefulness of the water.

It can also be the dedication in myself working on changing my money patterns. My trust issues have come up lately. It has made me aware that I still have to work on building ways to learn to trust myself more. How do you start to learn to trust yourself when all your life you have been taught to not trust anyone? Trust is a big topic. It's a lot to take in all at once. But I believe that the more you learn to trust in yourself, you will realize that you will find that the decisions you make in your life will be gauged by the level of trust you have built in yourself.

I'm still on tract today with keeping tract of my money coming in and money going out. And the more I do this, the more I am teaching myself that I can trust what I am doing is working for me. Which will add strength in trusting myself more. When I add worthiness to this mixture, it's like adding sugar to the flour. When I send a message out into the universe that I believe I am worthy of the simple things in life, like watching the river flow, the universe hears what I am sending and it responds with kindness. The world is a kind loving place. Man has turned it into something it's not.

I am receiving gifts that I need to honor, because the universe is telling me that I am worthy of a great life. So I am learning to watch for the signs and asking for  guidance and direction in what I a meant to do with these gifts I am receiving. Because I have taken action on managing one thing, like my money, the ripple has been set in motion. The fortune of greatness is on it's way to me now. It is possible to have a great life. The world is a place of opportunity and there is opportunity every moment of every day when you are open to it.

Everyday we miss thousands of moments of opportunities because we are so caught up in our day to day lives. We create chaotic circumstances out of our uncontrolled emotional states that does nothing for our well being. The madness of our emotions has gone haywire. Too many people have lost control of their emotions. They allow the emotions to control their actions. Which can have major consequences. The pain is buried so deep inside that it feel like it's just too big to dig to the surface. So it stays there, fermenting until the heat from the emotions tips the boiling point. Then it's too late. You've lost total control. And we all wonder why the world is the way it is.

It is fascinating to see how emotions play in people lives when they are unaware of who is in control. We have lost our solidity and centeredness in ourselves. People listen to other people way too much. It's distracting your thoughts and getting you off your own alignment with your life's path. When you are talking to other people, you are not listening to your own guidance. When we stop the argument that we are having with ourselves and really start looking at the emotions that we are feeling and learn to understand the underlying cause of that emotion, our world will shift tremendously.


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Intimacy with Money

" By choosing your thoughts, and by selecting which emotional currents you will release and which you will reinforce, you determine the ....effects that you will have upon others, and the nature of the experience of you life." Gary Zukav Author of Seat of the Soul


The feelings we all have about money comes from our past. It is the past that creates the future. By keeping the feelings around money what does not serve us, we choose not to move forward with our lives. Mainly because it is the thoughts that we have set in our minds, that are believed into manifestation. So therefore, we create what we believe around money. If we think money is tights, and we feel money is tight, we create tight conditions around money. Because we believe it to be true.

Right now I have created a work environment that supports me emotionally. The people I work with are good people, the job is not very stressful, the hours I work are working for me. The only thing is the money they pay per hour is just over eleven dollars and hour. How can any employer expect someone to live on $1200 a month? I feel it should be a law that if you cannot provide enough money to support your employees enough hours to live on, you should not hire them.

These part time hours jobs have created more poverty conditions in the world then anything else. People are forced to work two to three even four jobs a week just to get by. People don't feel they are supported in their workplace anymore. And no one does anything about it. Our intimacy with money is corrupted to the very core of our being. Not a lot of people value the potential of what money can bring to them in their live because they don't have the wherewithal to allow themselves the strength to even look at the condition they have created with money in their lives.

We complain more about the lack of money then we care to admit. Complaining about it and not doing anything about the condition we decided to live by, doesn't change anything. If you want something to change , you must do something about it. Dr. Wayne Dyers words still hold true in my mind, "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." If we keep looking at money with a lack mentality, our lack mentality will keep attracting the same  situations in our lives.

Since I have decided to become intimate with my money, things have improved. I have more money today then when I first started to take charge of my money. I am showing the universe that I am allowing myself to be more responsible with my money, and what happens is, more money tends to show up. Not a lot yet, but I'm in a lot better shape then when I first started. And the more energy I put into being intimate and responsible with my money, the more money will show up in ways that I probably haven't imagined yet. It takes discipline and persistence to adopt a habit of changing how you feel around money. 

Look at money as a teacher of great wisdom, because it can teach us a lot about ourselves if we let it do it's job. Money can motivate you into greatness when the right attitude it is focused.



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Questioning what I deserve

Even though I question what I deserve at times, I choose to love and accept myself anyway. Even though I wonder what I really deserve. And maybe I have some doubts. Based on old misunderstandings. Do I really deserve more? Do I really deserve better? And maybe sometimes, I look at what other people have and I question whether they deserve it. And I choose to stop wasting my time on that. I don't even have to spend time wondering what I deserve from the universe. Or what I deserve from other people. I choose to focus on what I deserve from myself.

Do I deserve better from myself? Almost certainly. Do I take good care of myself? Do I treat myself with love and respect? Do I take advantage of opportunities? There's so many resources out there. Do I allow myself to use them for the highest good of all concerned? Am I doing what I can do? And that maybe I deserve better. I choose to know that I do. I deserve better from myself. And I'm not saying that to beat up on myself. It's just a matter of recognition. I choose to acknowledge how I treat myself. And acknowledge that I deserve better. And I'm clearing of whatever gets in the way of treating myself better. Looking at how I take care of myself. And I'm saying to myself," I deserve better than that."

So then why don't I take better care of myself? If there's more that I could be doing with my work. Ways that I could be advancing myself. And I'm not doing those things. I chose to say to myself, I deserve better then that. So then why don't I do more. What stops me from doing those things that would take better care of me? Allowing myself to remember  things that might have happened in the past where I got the message that I didn't deserve better. Maybe I was treated poorly and I decided, I guess that's what I deserve. And that's a misunderstanding. And how can anyone else treat me better, if I don't show that I believe that I deserve better.

I deserve to treat myself with great care. I deserve to treat myself as thought I deserve the best from life. And I'm making use of what I've got. I have plenty of opportunity and resources to create a much better life for myself. I'm allowing myself to know that I deserve that. And I'm allowing myself to take advantage of these opportunities. I deserve better and I'm giving it to myself. Not in a way that takes away from others. This isn't just about taking. Because I deserve better then that to. I deserve to live a life of integrity. Maybe I haven't always done that. And I'm acknowledging that I deserve better. I'm treating myself with love. I'm treating myself with respect. I'm treating myself as someone who matters. And I deserve that.

And so it is

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The Problem is part of the Solution

"The guilt that I feel is the indication of the goodness and the perfection of where I stand because if it weren't like that, my deprivation of it wouldn't be there. "

I'm feeling a bit angry today. The anger still comes from needing to spend money for things I need like food and gas to get to work. I'm not sure if what I'm doing is working or not. I don't have any support from people in my life telling me it is. Probably because the result of what I working on are not manifesting yet. It's definitely a challenge to sit with your financial state when that state of borderline defeat lingers overhead.

I'm barely making enough money to care for myself. I owe people money and I think that is my biggest concern. It's the fact that I own people money. That weights heavy on my shoulders. I owe $100 to one friend, and $200 to another person I worked with last winter, and I'm behind on my cel phone bill and I'm maxed out on my credit card, thank God I only have one. And I owe 6 healing sessions to another friend who lent me $300. Since she's a senior, I change $50 a session. My plan is to give 4 people $50 each to show them I working towards paying them.  I have money to cover my rent for next month, and a few dollars left for food and gas. And people think it's not stressful not having enough money. That is my victim story that I want to stay in because it makes be feel like I'm not worthy of a great life.

I've been tapping a lot on the topic of deserving. It must be shifting some blocks that I'm not aware of yet. Perhaps by writing down how I'm really feeling, will help uncover the deeper issues that are driving these feeling to the forefront. It seems I tend to want to complain about my situation more then I tend to look at the positive things I am doing. What tends to happen with me is that I don't realize I'm doing it , because I've been doing it for so many years that it feel normal for me. Shifting into feeling grateful is not a concept that I allow myself to adopt very often. Perhaps it's a state of emotion that I need to consider as a daily practice.

I'm $4500 in debt plus the friends I owe to. That's it. I'm so close to being debt free I can almost taste the freedom. If I can just keep my focus on achieving this freedom, I while have accomplished what most people are thriving for in this life. It seems foreign to me to be without debt.

So being grateful today means to me that I have a job, I'm strong enough to work at this job, I have a place to move to, I have the money to pay my next months rent, I have a few friends that are willing to help me move to my new place. I really need to go general with my thoughts. This helps me de-stress my current situation. When I'm over this hump of paying everybody I owe and can start focusing on the credit card debt I owe, It will boost my self confidence. It's the lack of self confidence in myself that I seem to be lacking at the moment. That I can change. I need to keep finding a way to accomplish effective results. Focusing on this will help build my self confidence


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