Well it's 5 am and I can't sleep. I have resistance on my mind since I went to my seminar on Wednesday. I will own the responsibility of feeling like I don't fit in with the people in the seminar because I'm from down east and I have this accent that I think sets me apart from everyone in the room. I know this is one of the rackets I play in my life and use it as an excuse to not participate in engaging with people. I will have to have a conversation with a coach in my seminar so that I can have a breakthrough in this area of my life so that I can move forward.
When I heard what the exercise was going to be on Wedneday, I felt anger build up inside right away. I think it was because I didn't feel like doing what they were asking me to do. I'm told what to do all the time. At work especially. But since I realised the feeling of anger rising in me, I knew I had to break through this to get to see what would come up in the exercise. We were to sit across each other and stare in each other's eyes for about 3 minutes. Seemed easy enough. I told the other person to think of cute puppies.
As we're being guided through the process, our coach kept on asking us to keep letting go of the thoughts that came up. So I did. When I got to the end of the exercise, I felt a wave of major resistance come up. It worked. I broke through the anger and got to the place of feeling resistance. But why? I had to look back at a few places in my life where I felt major resistance and how did that affect me and my life today.
One place I looked was around money. In my previous blogs, I explained how my Mom would take the money my birth Dad would give me and put it in the bank. So I learned to resist having money in my life. When I was 6 and was inappropriately touches in my private area with the neighbour, I learn to resist being around men especially those I can't trust. In the 70's we were on the edge of a nuclear war, I resisted taking a risk of enjoying life because life is not safe . Today I can see these are all rackets I play in my mind and it doesn't have to play a part of my life anymore.
Resistance is like holding onto tension all the time. It's pushing against things. Not allowing myself to open to the possibility of something greater. I still get frustrated when I have to spend most of the money I make to other people. It definitely brings up resistance. It's like finally I have money that I could spend on myself and I have to give this money to someone, like my bills. But if I turn this around with an energy of gratitude, it shifts. I am grateful today that I have broken through my resistance of changing cel phone company. Now I will have a monthly bill of $40 instead of $130 to $150 a month. That is a breakthrough.
Breakthroughs happen more often then we realise. It's my breakthroughs that help me to move forward and allows me to change my perspective on how I am living my life.
Your Money Trailblazer
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