Pièce de Ré·sis·tance

Well it's 5 am and I can't sleep. I have resistance on my mind since I went to my seminar on Wednesday. I will own the responsibility of feeling like I don't fit in with the people in the seminar because I'm from down east and I have this accent that I think sets me apart from everyone in the room. I know this is one of the rackets I play in my life and use it as an excuse to not participate in engaging with people. I will have to have a conversation with a coach in my seminar so that I can have a breakthrough in this area of my life so that I can move forward.

When I heard what the exercise was going to be on Wedneday, I felt anger build up inside right away. I think it was because I didn't feel like doing what they were asking me to do. I'm told what to do all the time. At work especially. But since I realised the feeling of anger rising in me, I knew I had to break through this to get to see what would come up in the exercise. We were to sit across each other and stare in each other's eyes for about 3 minutes. Seemed easy enough. I told the other person to think of cute puppies.

As we're being guided through the process, our coach kept on asking us to keep letting go of the thoughts that came up. So I did. When I got to the end of the exercise, I felt a wave of major resistance come up. It worked. I broke through the anger and got to the place of feeling resistance. But why? I had to look back at a few places in my life where I felt major resistance and how did that affect me and my life today.

One place I looked was around money. In my previous blogs, I explained how my Mom would take the money my birth Dad would give me and put it in the bank. So I learned to resist having money in my life. When I was 6 and was inappropriately touches in my private area with the neighbour, I learn to resist being around men especially those I can't trust. In the 70's we were on the edge of a nuclear war, I resisted taking a risk of enjoying life because life is not safe . Today I can see these are all rackets I play in my mind and  it doesn't  have to play a part of my life anymore.

Resistance is like holding onto tension all the time. It's pushing against things. Not allowing myself to open to the possibility of something greater. I still get frustrated when I have to spend most of the money I make to other people. It definitely brings up resistance. It's like finally I have money that I could spend on myself and I have to give this money to someone, like my bills. But if I turn this around with an energy of gratitude, it shifts. I am grateful today that I have broken through my resistance of changing cel phone company. Now I will have a monthly bill of $40 instead of $130 to $150 a month. That is a breakthrough.

Breakthroughs happen more often then we realise. It's my breakthroughs that help me to move forward and allows me to change my perspective on how I am living my life.

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I Think I can....I Think I Can .....I Think I Can.....

Well today is payday. I am working 6 days week, because I want to get ahead in my finances. I keep my focus on moving ahead. That is the key. I am still caught up on my credit card payments. Today I am going to change my cel phone service and save $100 a month or more. Next thing is to get a vehicle that is cheaper on gas. That will save me another hundred a month or more.

Once you start looking at areas in your life that you can cut cost on, it inspires me to take action. I have been deligent in doing my work around money so that I can help people do the same. I have now put into action some money into a savings account that I call a Prudent Reserve. And I also have another savings account called Playtime account. That is all I have. I also started purchasing gift cards which works really well because I tend to not use them so quickly.

This habit strenghtens my belief that I can do it. Debt builds stress. We think we need to have alot of money to have a good time. Eight percent of people say it's hard to save money.

We tend to go shopping when we are stressed. It's a great excuse to make us feel better. We have a fight with someone and we go shopping. We lose our job and we go shopping. It a vicious cycle.

There are triggers everywhere. That's when my play account comes in handy. If I'm really stressed and I have to go shop, then I use this account and I leave my other bank cards home.

Taking charge in my money has really made me feel good about myself. It' s a great achievemnent in my life to have the courage to sit with my money and see what is happening in that part of my life.

Write down what it is you really want to see happen aroind your money issues and watch the Universe conspire to make it happen. Everytime.


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Into-me-see

Today I look at today as a beginning of a new possibility to create a life I deserve. One on happiness, playfulness and adventure. I got this out of my seminar. I got that I am hiding. It has opened my eyes to my world in a new way of believing my world can be different. Working on myself for the past years, makes me understand more of why we do the things we do. We create our own world.

The world we live has much more potential then it use to have in the old days. We had the power to reinvent ourselves at the very core of our beings if we chose to do our inner work. Many people don't understand how the Landmark work can help this planet get to a higher level of consciousness. I believe it can and in fact, it is doing it, one person at a time. Broken families are  mended, relationships are restored, fallen friendships flourish again, kids are reconnecting to there parents. It's amazing to see the healing that is happening in this program. I'm almost thinking of redoing the Forum again in January.

My money issues are getting dealt with. I can now see what I am doing with the money I earn and making conscious choices that help me to improve the quality of my life.  I am actually making money online. I invest my time into this program and I have taken out money to see if I could and I can. I am investing all my earnings towards this program. I invested $100 and I click my ads everyday and buy packs morning and night when I have enough money in my earnings. I have been doing this for the past 7 months and I have earned a little over thirteen hundred dollars. I get more return from this then I do with my bank. I can help you get started if you are interested. just sign up and I'll get you going  This is the first time I have ever invested money  online and seeing it grow. It's an awesome feeling. https://www.mypayingads.com/ref/124072

I have off today, but I am planning on getting on the Leadership call. I learn a lot from listening to the leadership in the group. It is important to stay on the court which helps me to stay focused on my seminar. I may think of getting involved in the leadership program later on. I also suggested that they think about getting the money seminar out again. I would definitely  think of taking that one. The program is funny though. Sometime you take a seminar to clear something in your life that you want clarity on like sex and intimacy and you end up healing a different part of your life , like money issues. My intimacy with money has improved a lot, because I now look closer to where I want to use my money.

Intimacy means being known and knowing another means being interested. Into-me-see.


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Reinventing a new design

The last three weeks have been pushing me to my limit. Having to fly home unexpectedly for my adopted Mom's funeral brought on a lot of stuff I had to deal with that I had not considered. I was adopted in a family of 4 kids. My adopted Mom was 87 and I wanted to be with my family, but did not know how I was going to manage finding the money to fly home and back. I also was fearful of losing my job which I could not afford. But without expecting anything to happen, my sister in law knew someone that worked for Westjet and they got me a ticket and I didn't even have to pay them in return. Angels at work for sure.

Being home with my sister's and bother's was stressful because I don't think the way I use to and I could see that they were struggling to have a conversation because I wouldn't get involved in their stories. There was a lot of self restraint on my part. My brother was the executor and we all got learn what papers need to be in order if something happens to any one of us. So I was pressured to find a way to ask my birth mother if she had all the papers she needed when the time comes for her. She is 89 and has been declining a lot health wise. I was relieved to find out that she did in fact got all the papers I need for when the time comes.  I could finally relax once I got back on the plane.

I'm back at my job and engaging myself in my Sex and Intimacy seminar. I have learned that my act around sex is hiding. And this morning I discovered another act by being on a leadership call for our group leader because he couldn't make it. My other act is " Going it alone" This seminar is teaching me that I need to look at all these things if I'm to ever begin to think of having another relationship with anyone. I keep mentally blocking myself by telling myself that this program is not about finding a new relationship. It's about having a deep conversation with my thoughts around the areas of sex and intimacy.

Engaging openly in a conversation with someone about sex and intimacy is challenging for most people. Same as money. I have finally caught up on all my bills and have been putting a few dollars in the bank in my savings to start a prudent reserve, as my friend calls it.. I will get a very small inheritance which will allow me to sell my gas guzzling SUV and buy a more economical vehicle, plus I am also planning on moving much closer to my work. That way I will save even more on gas money, Sex and money are both huge suggests. And if we refuse to talk about them with someone that we feel we can trust, we give those subject more power then imagined.

Once I started openly talking about how I felt my sex act was affecting me and my future, I felt a small opening of possibilities. As long as I keep my act a secret and don't talk about it, it has power over me by controlling my life. It keeps me stuck in never taking the risk of engaging in a conversation with men, Once I learn how to stand on my own with my act, it has no power. It destroys my joy. I think it was Plato who once said " An unexamined life is not worth living" What I believe he was referring to was, that if we don't take the time to look at the way we are thinking, and how it is affecting our lives, we miss out on the opportunity to deeply live.

I have felt most alive when I have discovered things about myself that I never knew existed in me. This seminar has thought me that I am human, first of all, and that I make mistakes. I was designed by default without my knowing from the very first breath I took. We all were. Our job is to reinvent ourselves on a level of love and compassion to help those who are open to the work. It's the toughest work I've ever done, but it has been the most rewarding.

Today I am grateful to the design I was given, so that I can look at it and decide , " Is it the design I an stuck with forever, or do I have a choice to change my design" My answer is always . As long as I"m breathing, I have the power to re invent a new and more inspiring design.

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