Changing views

It has been an interesting week. I am now in the third session of my Landmark Sex and Intimacy seminar. It is shifting things in my life that I would have not imagined. From my landlady accusing me of having a sexual relationship because of the misinterpretation of the title of my seminar. This has caused me to look at my confrontational issues with people in authority that stem from my childhood years.

It is a real challenge for me to speak with people that I feel looks at me like I have less value in this world then they do. It's also disturbing to see people use tools to help them disguise their dark side by using tools in their lives to make people think they live in the light. I am seeing this with the landlady I live with

I cannot express the value I am  getting in this seminar . The insights I am seeing in myself regarding my perception and views on what I beleive is a true honest relationship that stems on integrity and honesty with another person is beyond measure. I have discovered my deep resignation towards ever being in another relationship. This holds me back from discovering my sexual feminine side that I have caged up for decades

I've also discovered some hope by sharing openly how I view men with my group call each week. We have three men in our group which was very intimidating to me. How am I going to be able to share openly with these men who are strangers and not feel judged. Well I was surprised to see how supportive they all were as I shared. They actually did understand why I would view men the way I do.

We cannot develop an emotional backbone with most men by pointing not providing a safe space for them to express their views on sex and intimacy. By sharing openly and listening unconditionally it allows them to see how why they have unfulling relationships with their patners . They say that sex is only 10 percent of a relationship. You could have great sex with each other and disagree on the other 90 percent of the relationship. If a relationship is build on the foundation of sex the integrity of the relatiinship will eventually desolve because there is no real room for growth.

So I am am hopeful that men are capable of having the courage to be brave and vulnerable in sharing intimately and having a deep conversation. This would be a huge shift on our planet.

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New Challenges Builds Growth

It has been too long since I last blogged. I apologize. I have been so busy with work and with my Landmark seminar. Plus new things that have surfaced since.

I am enjoying my seminar. It is shifting many new layers in my view on sex and intimacy. Since I have moved to my new place, just renting a room at this time, I am learning new things about the woman that I am renting from. 

Their are people in this world that try to prevent us from moving forward by playing this vital part in the system of my growth. Because I mentioned to her that I was in this siminar, I realize that might have been a mistake . Sometimes people react with their point of view on a topic that is not discussed openly because they might be in a different place in their lives and it will bring up some stuff for sure. 

I had asked my friend if she would be open to take her car and drive out to Banff so we could show my roommate before he heads back east. Well my intentions were good until my landlady found out that I had not invited her along. The sh_t hit the fan and she started accusing me of having sexual relations with my roommate. I was in disbelief as to how far she took the conversation. 

My life is my life. I don't believe I need to invite everybody into it. So what I saw in this process so far is that the anger that she felt had nothing to do with my not inviting her. She was angry before that and I just triggered something and I got the hit. 

When people react in this way, it's about them. They re-acted to what is happening in the moment because it triggered their stuff. It could have been that she felt left out, not fit in, rejected in some way. 

I strongly believe that this situation was divinely orchestrated to allow both of us to look at that part in ourselves that is screaming , " what's wrong with me? That I wasn't part of this adventure"

It will be interesting to see how this unfolds as I work on my issues around sex and intimacy. Her accusations have lead her to believe that " we" need to move in together as she doesn't rent out to couples. I'm feel disappointed by all of this. It seems that she is reflecting to me my trust issues are relationships. Something that I'm sure I will be looking at in my seminar.

This situation also challenges me with moy money situation since I'm finally almost caught up on everything. Moving would set me back again. Darn it!

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